There’s an old saying that you should never trust a friend who’s close to an enemy. And while there may be some truth to that, it’s not always the case. After all, sometimes people become friends with someone who is friends to some extent with an enemy of theirs and nothing bad ever comes out of it.
However, if this friend is truly close to you; you should be careful. If your friendship is based on genuine fondness and respect, rather than a convenient alliance then you should ask yourself why they want to be close to an enemy of yours.
If you’re not convinced yet, then here are a few reasons why you should always write off a friend who’s also friends with your sworn enemies.
Reasons to never trust someone who is friends with your enemy:
1. You can’t always count on them:
Since your friend is also friends with your enemy, they will have to divide their time between you two, because it’s not an option to have you in the same place at the same time. You reached an understanding with your friend, that they have nothing against your enemy, so they will still spend time with that person.
However, now that things are settled, it seems that you have to fight for their time and attention and compete over it with people you’d rather never hear about.
It’s not easy to equally divide your time between two people who don’t get along at all. It will be hard work if you’re interested in preserving and growing both relationships. In fact, sometimes we have busy lives that don’t always make it possible to see our friends often.
But, having to see many different friends in different places at different times because they cannot meet face to face is a whole new level of difficulty. If that’s the case, you need to accept the fact that this person or friend will be unavailable, and hence they are not reliable for every situation you find yourself in.
2. They can be dishonest:
Because your friend is also friends with your enemy, it’s to be expected that they won’t like hearing you say negative things about them all the time. However, even during times when you are just enjoying some quality time together, away from topics that are related to that enemy that shall stay unnamed, you might start observing some dishonest behaviors.
Your friend may be changing their opinions and tastes to favor your enemy even when you are with them and they might even start talking a lot like them. This could mean that they are starting to lose compassion for your cause and are more inclined to agree with your enemy about the matter that caused you to become enemies in the first place.
In other words, they probably think you’re the unjust or closed-minded one out of the two. Well, they may not tell you that to your face but they most definitely think it at least.
3. They might spill your secrets:
It’s one thing to have a friend who can’t keep a little secret but is always loyal when it comes to important stuff, but it’s another thing completely to have a friend who deliberately spills all the secrets you told them to your worst enemy.
It’s advisable to be careful when talking with friends who are also friends of people who wish you ill. You never know what goes on during their conversations and if your so-called friend isn’t just spending time with you to extort secrets from you.
If you are noticing signs that the secrets you share with your friend are not as well guarded as you initially thought, you can try making a test. You can make something up or share a small secret that you don’t mind being spilled and see if it reaches your enemy’s ears. Fortunately, if your friend is not to be trusted, you will find out soon enough with this test.
4. They can be manipulated by your enemy:
Is your friend a gullible person? If so, you need to have in mind that they might be prone to gossip with everyone interested, and that includes your enemy. Your enemy, knowing that you have a friend in common, may gossip about you to that person to try to turn them against you. If your common friend doesn’t see the motive behind this, then they may fall for it.
Plus, they might even encourage your friend to gossip with them about you, and before you know it they both made you ou to be this horrible villain.
On the other hand, if you notice that your friend likes to gossip when you are together and can easily say negative things about people, you need to consider that you are not immune to being one of their victims next. You could have a small disagreement with your friend and, if they are not very loyal to you, they will gossip about your fallout the next time they are with your enemy.
In this scenario, you will have gained yourself two enemies that have so much gossip to tell one another about you and even spread around town.
5. They can’t remain neutral forever:
As loyal as your friend might be, deep down, they are probably hoping that you will make peace with your enemy. Your friend probably wishes that even if you and your enemy aren’t capable of becoming friends, you will one day be capable of coexisting in the same space.
If, by reading this, you felt frustrated and thought it was an unfair thing to ask for, then think again. It’s a stressful situation to manage a relationship with two people who refuse to get along, whether it’s justified or not.
There may come a point where things are so bad that your friend simply gets tired of it all and can no longer be neutral. Should it come to that situation, you need to accept the fact that your friend wants to pick a side, and if you don’t facilitate things, you might lose a friend.
Before this eventually happens, we recommend that you have a serious conversation with your friend. During this talk, you will lay out all the reasons why you value them as a friend, and why they should start reflecting on whether they want to remain friends with your enemy alone or yours alone.
In the end, ask yourself if you would’ve stayed friends with someone who has wronged one of your close friends badly. If the answer is no then maybe this alleged friend of yours stayed close to you only because they have bad intentions. So do you want to take such a risk?
And even if they didn’t have bad intentions, then why would you have a friend that doesn’t reciprocate your feelings and nice favors. In fact, you should check this article out now on friends that don’t reciprocate and why you should stay away from them!