Relationships can be complicated but they are also significant parts of our lives. They can be the center of our lives. We all have been in romantic relationships and we all have seen people who have sabotaged their relationships.
We often sabotage our relationships with people we care about the most because of the fear of getting hurt. This fear is rooted in our childhood experiences and can be traced back to unresolved attachment issues. Other times, we do it for unknown or mysterious reasons.
In this article, we will explore the reasons why people sabotage their relationships and what they can do to stop this from happening.
5 Ways to stop yourself from self-sabotaging relationships:
1- Find coping mechanisms:
The key to overcoming the fear of not being good enough is to develop healthy coping skills so that we can deal with difficult situations without resorting to self-sabotaging behaviors.
We can find ways to deal with stress and pressure, through coping mechanisms and different methods without sabotaging the only good thing about our life: our relationship. one can find a hobby or a type of activity or sport to empty all their extra energy in, rather than take out all their negative emotions, frustration, fear of failure and more in their relationship.
2- Stop fearing intimacy and vulnerability:
The fear of intimacy can be one reason for sabotaging our relationships. Relationships require vulnerability and intimacy, which some people find scary.
They may have had a bad experience with love in the past or have been hurt by someone they loved in their childhood. This can lead them to think that all relationships will end up badly and so they don’t want to get close to anyone anymore, which could result in sabotaging their current relationship.
It is also a reason for them not to want to let others in or want to allow them to get so close to them, as they think they will be able to see their flaws, weaknesses, and not-so-pretty side of them. So they may want to end a relationship or destroy it before they reach a point where they’d be expected to let the other person in or let them be so close to them.
3- Don’t be too lazy to put in the hard work:
Relationships take work and effort, and we often sabotage them without realizing it, especially when we’re too lazy or too tired to do so much for something to work out with no guarantee that it will hold still. We can be too clingy, too needy, or just plain annoying to test out the relationship and see if it’s good enough or if it could fall apart from the start.
We could be secretly hoping that the relationship will end right there and then, rather than make us hope more and build dreams on it only for it to disappoint it after we spend so much time and effort on it and still fall apart in the end.
We want to protect ourselves from the pain that comes with rejection and abandonment. So we’d rather quickly destroy the relationship before it becomes too important to hurt us if it doesn’t work out.
4- Don’t avoid communication and confrontation:
We all want to be happy. But sometimes, we sabotage our relationships by not communicating with people who are important to us. We think that this is the best way to avoid pain and live a carefree life. However, that’s not how it works.
We do this because of the fear of being rejected or abandoned. We’re afraid of getting hurt by our partner’s words or actions or what might come out of communication and confrontation.
We’re too scared of hearing others say what they think is wrong with us, so one way of running away from our flaws and mistakes could be to not even want to engage in communication and rather sabotage the relationship, end it and not see that person again.
5- Stop thinking you can still do better:
One reason why we may sabotage our relationship could be because we think that there will always be something better out there for us so we don’t want to settle down with the person who loves us in the present and is there for us.
In order to have a healthy relationship with someone, you need to be able to trust them and be open about your feelings. You have to let them know who you really are and what you think of them. If they’re not your cup of tea or what you like and prefer, then don’t be with them nor settle for them, wait until you find a good match for you.
In fact, we have written an article on how you should never be with “someone” just not to be single. Either way, once you get with someone then deserve to be loved, feel desired and feel like the most attractive person alive in the eyes of their partner: you!
The reasons why we sabotage our relationships are not always clear. It could also be because we want someone back, or because we feel insecure. The reasons can be different for everyone and it is hard to know what is going on in our subconscious or on a deeper level of our consciousness.
Either way, it is better to learn to recognize a good partner and good relationship when we’re in one and enjoy it, rather than sabotage it and try testing the hell out of it.