A guy will always distance himself after intimacy if he’s not interested in a relationship. It’s a defense mechanism; he’s trying to protect himself from getting hurt or leading someone on unnecessarily.
If he gets too close, he knows he’ll just end up getting hurt again or hurting that person. So he’ll pull away and try to keep his distance. He might even start dating other people or seeing other women just to make sure he doesn’t get too attached to one person.
It’s not a nice thing to do, but it can be a defense mechanism. So is there more to it and what are a few more possible reasons for this behavior?
Why do guys distance themselves after intimacy?
1. He doesn’t feel ready for a relationship:
Guys are usually very straightforward about this topic. They know when they are ready for a relationship and to settle down and when they are just enjoying their single life. This doesn’t mean that, if a guy is not ready to settle down, they won’t go out with you more than once, but they still will not want anything serious.
If they start to see that you are getting the idea that you are beginning a new relationship, that’s when they will distance themselves. What might happen is that you will feel blindsided, confused, and even frustrated by his behavior, but you will need to take a step back and think about your first conversation.
It’s not unusual for a guy to let you know that they aren’t looking for anything serious, either because they got out of a relationship recently or simply they aren’t ready for that kind of commitment. So, if he did let you know that this is a casual thing, don’t try to look for a double meaning.
2. He might be scared of commitment:
Everyone can be susceptible to this. However, many guys don’t know how to communicate that they are scared of being in a relationship.
It could be because the relationships they witnessed weren’t the best, or because they have been in relationships where they didn’t feel comfortable enough to be vulnerable around their partner. Because of this, they decide to not get involved in anything serious. At least for a while.
You might think that it’s up to you to change this perspective if you meet a guy that has it, and that if you insist enough, he will give you a chance to have a relationship with him. However, in reality, it’s up to him to change that.
If he tells you that he doesn’t see himself being in a relationship in the future, it is likely, that he is not open to receiving changes in his life. He wants to stay away from any sort of romantic commitment, so he will distance himself at the first “red flags”.
3. He needs to feel loved and reassured:
Many women tend to forget that, when men are in a relationship they too feel the need to be loved. Much like women, when men are falling in love with someone, they need that person to show their love toward them through actions and words.
If a guy isn’t getting that reassurance, he will distance himself until he feels the love he deserves. When women need reassurance from their partners, they tend to put into practice little tests that will bring them the confirmations they need. Men aren’t that different.
If, after being intimate with a guy, he seems cold and distant, but doesn’t completely shut you off, he is probably trying to push you into showing how much you care for him. He is trying to make you take the next step and reassure him. Once he feels loved enough by you, he might start to act warmer and be more open with you again.
Check this article later on how important reassurance can be in a relationship, to understand this concept more.
4. He wants to take things slow:
One thing that might sound confusing for women is that just because a man is interested in being intimate with you, it doesn’t mean that he is ready to jump head first into a relationship with you.
Everyone has their insecurities, so you should expect the guy you were intimate with to have his as well. Maybe he wants to test the waters first, see how it’s like going on dates with you, and have long conversations first.
Essentially, some men like to be sure that they want to be in a relationship first before getting involved in something serious. Remember that, just because he wants to take things step by step, it doesn’t mean that there isn’t hope for, one day, developing it into a serious relationship.
However, keep in mind that the fact that you already got intimate might have moved the relationship fast already. In that case, we recommend you check this article later to understand why relationships that move fast will almost always fail!
5. You didn’t give him enough space:
Men are known to enjoy their personal space, they need time to clear their minds and recharge after being with you, especially if you aren’t in a serious relationship.
If you notice that a guy is distancing himself after intimacy, you should probably respect his decision. It might be scary not knowing if he is distancing himself for good or not, but remember that rushing after him or bombarding him with texts or calls will just push him away further.
It’s not that he didn’t enjoy spending time with you, but if you were constantly hovering above him, he might have felt a little overwhelmed and smothered.
You didn’t give him space to breathe, so as soon as you said your goodbyes, he only had one thing in his mind: distance. To avoid this, you will need to read his mood, test his limits and once you figured them out, don’t go beyond them, let him ease in your presence slowly.
Check this article out later for a clearer idea of how much space is normal in a relationship. This way you don’t suffocate your partner more. You can also check this article on why guys flirt even when they’re not interested, and it will help put many things into perspective for you!