It’s frustrating when the guy you’re dating treats you like a girlfriend but won’t commit. You might find yourself thinking, “What am I doing wrong? Is there something wrong with me?”
But the truth is, commitment is a big decision, and some guys just need more time to make up their minds. In the meantime, enjoy being treated like a queen! Go on dates, have fun, and let him know that you’re open to taking things to the next level, but that you won’t sit on a rock and wait forever for him to make up his mind either.
Now, if you want to do something about having him treat you like a girlfriend but not committing; then here are a few things you can do.
4 things to do when he treats you like a girlfriend but doesn’t commit:
1- Understand his reasons and reflect on them:
As frustrating and disheartening as this situation may be, you will need to take a step back and figure out why he is so relucting in committing to the relationship. The best way you can do this is by having an honest talk with him.
You should tell him that you feel that he treats you like his girlfriend, but something is missing, almost as if he doesn’t want to invest too much in you. Then you need to ask him why he is acting this way and tell him that you merely wish to know, not attack him.
You may end up finding out that he had a traumatic experience in the past and now finds it hard to commit to a relationship. If you establish that he does want your relationship to grow, you can start working together for that goal, one step at a time, rather than waste more time being in the dark.
2- Don’t be afraid to ask him for what you want:
Expressing your wants and needs can be daunting, we are not going to pretend otherwise, but it’s only through communication that you can achieve anything. Even though your partner is not behaving as you expected him to, he can’t guess exactly what’s going on in your mind.
You may feel sad and hurt that he does not see it, but sometimes, these things aren’t apparent to those who see us from the outside. Remember that he can’t read his mind, so maybe you will have to take a risk and have a talk with him about your expectations and wants.
You can start by telling him that you feel like you are not getting what you want from the relationship, not completely at least. Then, you can move on to the things you need to get from him to feel fulfilled, balanced and happy about the relationship. If your partner seems clueless about how to do it, don’t be offended. What is obvious to some may not be so to others. Be patient and give him examples of things he could do.
In return, you can always ask if there’s anything your boyfriend expects to get from the relationship that you could provide. If you provide him with a safe enough environment where he feels he can actually open up about his wants then you’ll need to keep an open mind because his answers may surprise you.
3- Don’t settle for anything less than what you want:
Remember that relationships take work and it’s normal to not fall into the perfect dynamic on the first try. Some couples have been together for years and are still discovering new things about each other and their relationship.
Having said that, we want you to know that it’s important to realize that the perfect person doesn’t exist and if something doesn’t work well at first, it may need just a little work and sticking around.
However, there’s a difference between working on a relationship and settling for what’s never going to be enough or putting aside what you really want. If you concluded that this arrangement doesn’t make you happy and it’s not fulfilling in many aspects, maybe you need to rethink the entire relationship.
You don’t need to settle for anything that you think is beneath your standards. You have the right to feel fulfilled in all aspects you need and you should let your partner know that. If he doesn’t want to commit and that’s not really what you will be happy with, then tell him that you won’t tolerate it for much longer. If he cares enough, he will change his mind rather than see you walk away.
4- As a last resort, consider if he is the right person for you:
Sometimes it comes to a point when there’s nothing else for you to do other than pondering over whether you are the right match for each other.
You need to face the fact that his commitment problems could stem from the fact of who you are as a person. Not because you did something wrong, but because you aren’t the right match for him either.
If that’s the case, it shouldn’t surprise you that, should you break up he can easily commit to a relationship with someone else. Check this article out on the different reasons why a guy may want to keep you around but not commit, we have to warn you though that the truth can sometimes be harsh.
If the relationship doesn’t seem to work, you are wasting your time and his too, the thing is that you realized it first. All this inner reflection can lead to a definite talk with your partner and even a full fallout, but maybe it’s for the best.
If you talk with him about this and he immediately agrees, it means you would just delay the inevitable by staying longer and wasting your time. Remember that he has the right to be happy as much as you, so this conversation has the purpose of helping you both.