It’s tough when your wife is yelling at you. Perhaps, you think you didn’t do anything wrong, or at least not intentionally but she’s just so mad. Maybe it’s because she had a bad day, or maybe she’s just taking her frustration out on you. In fact, even the latter reason is a better possibility than blaming her mood on her period or her hormones. As a woman and wife myself, I can confirm that that’s one of the worst things a husband can say to a mad spouse!
Either way, it can be hard to know what to do when you’re getting berated by someone you love and don’t want to offend more or disappoint further. Do you try to reason with her? Do you just wait it out and hope she calms down? Or do you give her a piece of your mind and risk making things worse?
It’s a tough situation, but luckily there are a few things you can do to improve it and make things better for both of you. So read on and find out about these.
5 tips and steps to take when your wife is yelling at you:
1. Stay calm:
First, try to stay calm. This can be difficult, but it’s important to remember that getting angry will only make things worse. Nobody denies the fact that it can be hard to stay collected when you’re being accused wrongly or yelled at. You may be feeling defensive and want to lash out, but it’s important to remember to stay in control of your emotions.
Keep your balance and try to be the ice to her fire. It can be helpful to take a few deep breaths and count to ten before responding. This will give you a chance to collect your thoughts and avoid saying something hurtful that you’ll later regret. In the heat of the moment, it’s easy to let emotions get the better of us, but if we can remember to stay calm we’re more likely to find a resolution that works for both of us.
Perhaps, your wife will appreciate your calmness and wisdom. And, who knows she may learn to mirror your behavior, and the next time you lose your temper she will be the one to stay patient and calm. This way you can avoid having intense fights and extreme arguments that can render a marriage toxic or cold. It will enable you both to find a good balance and work as a team even through your differences.
2. Understand the reasons behind her anger:
Second, try to listen to what she’s saying and understand why she’s upset. This can be difficult, but it will help you defuse the situation and find a resolution.
Anyone who has ever been on the receiving end of a yelling match knows that it’s not a fun experience. But if your wife is the one doing the yelling, it’s important to try and understand the reasons behind her anger. One of the keys to effective communication is listening, so make sure you’re paying attention to what she’s saying.
There may be some valid points buried beneath all the shouting. Once you’ve calmed things down and had a chance to talk things out, you can hopefully prevent those arguments from happening again in the future by being able to pinpoint exactly what it is that offended her so much. And, of course, the only way to find that out is by listening to her rather than just counting sheep in your head to escape reality or thinking about a boxing match while she’s yelling and pouring her heart out.
3. Try to compromise:
No one likes being yelled at, especially by the people we love. And, while we recommended that you listen to her carefully in the step above this one, listening can be a double-edged sword. The thing is that the more you listen to her the more you’ll have something to say back in return and before you know it the entire thing could turn into a bad argument.
It can be tempting to just tune out or to try and make a break for it, but those usually aren’t the best solutions. If your wife is yelling at you, the best thing you can do after having understood clearly the problem is to try and find a way to compromise. Neither of you should have to feel like you’re sacrificing everything in order to make the other person happy, so try and find a win-win solution. It’s important to remember that in any relationship, both parties need to feel like they’re being heard and that their needs are being met. If there’s something that your wife wants or needs, see if there’s a way for you to meet her halfway.
If that isn’t possible, then at least you can decide whether it’s worth it to let her have her way. As long as it’s something small, it’s better than arguing and getting nowhere. Plus, it might just be enough to get her to calm down. Hopefully, she will see your love in your actions and will be grateful for it all once she calms down. So listen carefully and only intervene to try to offer a solution or compromise. This will show that you’re taking her seriously and that you’re willing to work together to solve the problem, which is usually what she wants.
4. Understand your mistake if any, and apologize for it if you see it clearly:
The fourth step on our list of things to do when your wife is yelling at you is to apologize if you’ve made a mistake. If your wife got hurt or felt betrayed or belittled before for something you did or said then there’s no need to try to explain your actions. Yes, you can explain that your intentions were different or that you didn’t mean it in the way that she understood. However, constantly trying to defend your actions that offended her will only add fuel to the fire. Instead, explain that your intentions were different if they truly were, and apologize.
It’s no secret that relations between husband and wife can sometimes get a little heated. After all, you’re two individuals with your own thoughts, feelings, and perspectives. And when those perspectives clash, it’s not uncommon for tempers to flare. But even in the midst of an argument, it’s important to try and see things from your partner’s point of view as we explained earlier. If your wife is yelling at you, try and understand her perspective by listening to her and then apologizing if she’s pointing out something wrong that you’ve done.
What might have happened to trigger her anger? What could you have done differently? Once you’ve taken a step back and tried to see things from her perspective, apologize if you’ve made a mistake. A sincere apology can go a long way toward diffusing the situation and repairing your relationship. Plus, it’ll show her that you’re willing to take responsibility for your actions, which is a key component of a healthy marriage.
5. Put your foot down if she doesn’t stop soon enough:
In the end, if you’ve followed all the steps listed above and after more than one full hour your wife is still yelling in your face then you’ll have to change strategies. Yelling is one of those things that can easily become a habit so unless you did something unforgivable there should be no reason for her to keep at it for hours.
And, unfortunately, yelling at a spouse is also one of those things that can easily damage a relationship. If you’re constantly on the receiving end of a yelling match, it’s only natural that you would want to put your foot down and just g for a drive to give your wife a little bit of time and space to calm down.
But before you do that, it’s important to try to reason with her first and follow the steps listed above. Explain how her yelling makes you feel and why you would appreciate it if she could try to control her temper. If she can’t seem to bring herself to stop yelling, then maybe it’s time to give your ears a break by leaving the vicinity.
That doesn’t mean you should go and ignore her; you can simply go for a short drive, park your car somewhere, stay in it and text her in an attempt to resolve things without yelling. Texting is a good way to communicate effectively when arguments start to get out of hand. It is also a way to give each other some space without abandoning one another fully until tempers have cooled and reason can prevail.