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What to do when someone won’t forgive you?

What to do when someone won’t forgive you?

If we were all perfect, we would never make mistakes or hurt each other, so we would never have to make amends. Alas, that’s not the world we live in. Humans are perfectly imperfect, so we are bound to mess up and that’s not always easy to forgive. 

Of course, it depends on what you did and how much it affected the person in question. It also depends on their life philosophy. Some people believe that the wrong-doers deserve to feel bad about what they did for as long as possible. Others believe in forgiving and letting go. 

1) Where to start?

Whenever you make a mistake, it’s important to take responsibility for it, acknowledge how you’ve messed up, and ask for forgiveness. If you’re wondering what to do when your spouse won’t forgive you, or someone else you’ve wronged, then you’re at the right place. For starters, you must hold yourself accountable and do the work so it doesn’t happen again. 

Mistakes are a kind of failure, and the only great thing about failing is that it allows you to grow and learn. So, take the opportunity to do just that. Today, we will see what you can do when someone won’t forgive you in terms of making amends and finding the power of letting go. 

2) Offer an Honest Apology:

The very first thing you need to do to get someone to forgive you is to offer an honest apology. This shows that you’ve accepted that what you did was wrong and you’re taking responsibility for it. You have a conscience and you’re willing to do what it takes to make amends. 

A good, humble apology requires a few elements. For one, you need to accept what you did wrong. Showing remorse is also important, as is assuring them this won’t happen again. 

Let them know you’ll take the steps to learn from it and make sure to ask what they need from you to make things right. Allow them to explain how they feel and what they need from you to help them heal, then do your best to provide that. No pressure, just love. 

3) Take Action:

Offering an apology is not the end of the line for you. You still need to make amends and take action to make things right. You need not only to earn their respect but also to show them how serious you are about repairing the relationship. 

Your words aren’t the only thing that allows you to show how sorry you are and how much you want their forgiveness. In fact, actions speak a lot louder than words.

So, here’s a list of 7 different ways to act in order to make amends in a fun and heartwarming way:

7 Creative ways to make amends:

1- Write them a letter:

Sit down with a pen and paper and pour your heart out. Explain how much they mean to you, how sorry you are, and how you’ll do whatever it takes to earn their forgiveness. 

2- Leave them sticky notes:

If you live together or see each other every day, leave sweet sticky notes where they can find them. Write something you love about them so they know how much they mean to you. 

3- Bake them a cake:

This is particularly effective if the person in question has a sweet tooth. Bake them a cake and write “I’m sorry, I love you” in the frosting. Make sure the cake is delish!

4- Purchase a personalized gift:

A personalized gift means you didn’t pick anything you found up at the last minute. Instead, you took the time to make it special and make it about them specifically. So, buy a little personalized present and offer it to them. Make sure the message is heartfelt with a little humor. 

5- Try to write a poem or a song:

If you know how to play an instrument, you should try and write them a song. If you don’t know how to play musical instruments and you’re not the best singer, try to write a bad but adorable poem. 

6- Surprise them with a nice dinner out:

Food always helps, so surprise them with a nice dinner out or at home. It may not be the best dinner for you, as you will give them the chance to talk about their feelings about what happened. So they may cry, call you all types of names and make you feel guilty and miserable.

However, take the opportunity to have a heart-to-heart and explain your reasons for acting that way in the past and how wrong you think it was. Promise that it won’t happen again and don’t forget dessert. 

7- Plan the perfect day:

If you know this person well, you must have an idea of what their perfect day looks like. Try to put that together for them. The effort will mean so much, it could be enough to earn their forgiveness. 


Asking for forgiveness is something that must come from the heart. If you don’t feel that what you did was wrong, you’ll never be able to make amends properly. Earning someone’s forgiveness is not always easy, but it’s worth the effort.

Just focus on reminding the person how much love them and how much they mean to you. Also, give them the time they need to process and be patient. The last thing you want to do is smother them, but do your best to show them you’re serious about making amends.  

Check out our article on how to let go of the past, if you’d rather just leave them alone and forget about it too.

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