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What if your partner compares you to others?

What if your partner compares you to others?

Is not uncommon for us to compare ourselves to others. In the age of social media, we are constantly exposed to people who look like they’re living their dream life. They have a dream body, dream home, dream job, and dream partner. 

However, it’s important to remember that people only show their greatest achievements on social media. Instead of comparing yourself, you have to learn to focus on yourself, nurture your self-love, and use those people as inspiration instead. There’s nothing you can’t accomplish if you’re willing to do the work!

But what if the one comparing you to others is your partner? Well, that situation is a bit more complicated. You don’t deserve that, so you have to do something about it. To help you, here’s what you should do when your partner compares you to others in 5 steps. 

What to do when your partner compares you to others?

Step 1: Tell them how it makes you feel.

If your partner compares you to others once, that could be an honest mistake. If he constantly compares you to others, that’s a conscious decision. The first thing you need to do is sit down with them and tell them how it makes you feel. Being compared to others makes us feel like we’re not good enough and we never deserve to feel that way. We certainly don’t deserve that from our partners. 

You can try and give your partner the benefit of the doubt. After all, they can’t read minds. Maybe they are so used to comparing themselves to others that they didn’t realize it could hurt your feelings. In some cases, having a heart-to-heart is enough to make your partner understand the issue. 

Step 2: Set boundaries.

When you’re in a relationship, the boundaries you set will teach your partner what’s acceptable and what’s not acceptable. After you explain how it makes you feel when they compare you to others, make sure to set boundaries. It’s perfectly fine to have rules about how you expect to be treated. 

You want your partner to respect your boundaries, so be clear about what you expect and about the consequences of crossing them. Tell them that this is not a joke to you; you feel attacked and targeted when they do it even if they didn’t mean anything bad. Ask them to put themselves in your shoes, would they like to be compared to others all the time? We don’t think so. 

Step 3: Explain why the comparison is harmful.

If your partner truly can’t understand why the comparison is such a problem, explain why it’s not a healthy thing to do. Perhaps your partner never learned that it’s not okay to compare people because maybe it was a common practice in his household. 

Maybe his parents were constantly comparing each other to other people and your partner never realized how disrespectful and passive-aggressive it is. People can learn, though, so your partner can change his ways if he’s willing to understand that it’s not okay to compare themselves or anyone else. 

Step 4: Take a break.

Taking a break from the relationship can give you both some perspective. If the issue is quite severe and you haven’t seen much of an improvement from your partner, spending some time apart thinking about your relationship can help you both put things into perspective. 

Before you suggest a break, make sure you’re in the right state of mind. Don’t make this decision in the heat of the moment. Also, when you talk to your partner about the break, make sure to explain what it means and why you want to do it.

Set expectations for what you want to come out of this break, too; it should lead to a resolution. You can check this article out on taking a break in a relationship for more details on this matter.

Step 5: Suggest couples counseling or therapy.

Last but not least, if you don’t feel like you can solve the issue between you and nothing you’ve done has made a difference, it’s a good idea to work with a professional. Couples counseling or therapy is a great alternative if you’re both willing to work for the relationship. 

Maybe you don’t want to break up over this, so working with a professional will give you the tools you need to overcome this hurdle. Keep in mind that couples counseling or therapy doesn’t guarantee you will stay together. However, it does give you the best possible chance.  


If you follow these steps and your partner still compares you to others every chance they get, we think it’s time you reassess the relationship and decide if you want to continue like this. 

Love doesn’t always conquer all, especially not if your partner is unwilling to improve. So, ask yourself this one question: Do you want to be compared to others all the time or do you want to be treated like the wonderful individual that you are? 

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