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What if your avoidant ex wants to be friends?

What if your avoidant ex wants to be friends?

If you have experienced a breakup with an avoidant ex, you may be feeling a range of emotions about the possibility of staying friends. After all, the relationship may have been filled with unresolved issues and difficult moments, making it hard to move forward with a friendship. But, what if it’s your avoidant ex who’s pursuing a friendship after the breakup?

It may come as a surprise to you! Because why on earth would your ex, who you know for a fact is an “avoidant” and usually keeps to themselves, now suddenly become talkative and interested in a friendship? What could be their real motives and what are your options in such a scenario?

If this is what has happened to you then stick around and get all the answers you need below. This is exactly what we will go through in today’s article so carry on reading.

Why would an avoidant ex want to be friends?

1. Maintain an emotional connection:

An avoidant ex may want to be friends because they still care about the person and value the relationship, even if they don’t want to pursue a romantic relationship. They may also want to remain friends to keep in touch, or to maintain an emotional connection with the person.

In other words, it can be difficult for avoidants to maintain an emotional connection because they often have difficulty expressing their feelings and desires. They tend to isolate themselves and avoid communicating with others, so it can be hard for them to open up and let someone in. Additionally, they may not be comfortable with the level of intimacy or commitment that is required to maintain a meaningful relationship. They may also struggle to express their emotions or desires in a way that is not overwhelming to others, which can lead to misunderstandings and hurt feelings.

As a result, it can be difficult for avoidants to create and build new emotional connections with people, as it requires effort and communication that they may not be comfortable providing. For this reason, they may want to preserve the emotional connection you two already share as it will be so much easier than creating a similar bond with someone new or making a new close friend.

2. Wanting to stay posted about your latest news:

As explained above an avoidant ex may want to stay in touch or stay friends in order to keep you around due to their fear of abandonment and need for validation. They may also not want to completely suppress their social circle, which is probably already quite small, as it may provide them with a sense of comfort and security.

So given the fact that they find it hard to make friends or keep people close to them due to their avoidant nature; they may simply find it hard to completely give up on an already-established precious friendship. Staying in touch with you allows them to have an outlet to share their feelings and thoughts, even if it is from a distance as explained earlier. Plus it will also add some entertainment and action in their lives through you, by being able to follow your journey and see what you’re doing next.

As explained an avoidant doesn’t have a very big social circle usually, so their only way to have an entertaining and interesting life to some extent, would be to stalk the people they knew or know online and see what they’re up to. This will keep them from getting bored and will make them feel like they matter and belong to a specific group of people or community, even if they’re no longer close with the people in question. Being able to send that occasional text to you and ask how you’re doing will add another layer of security to their little bubble and will make them feel involved with others. So for this reason, they may be ready to do what it takes to keep that possibility open.

3. Wanting to leave the possibility of going back together open:

Thirdly, one of the most obvious reasons, why any type of ex would want to stay in touch or stay in your life, is of course to leave their options open. Avoidant or not, most exes that have hope they may want to get back together with their old flame like to keep them around or have access to them through social media at least.

This goes to say that an avoidant ex may want to stay in touch or stay friends because they may still have strong feelings for you and want to keep their options open. They may not be ready to commit to a relationship or be publicly serious about you, but still want to maintain a connection that is discretely romantic or a little flirty in nature.

They may also be afraid of losing you completely so staying in contact provides them with some comfort and security. For these reasons, it is always important to consider that an ex that doesn’t want to go away, may want to get back together in the future. They may want to keep you aside for when they’re more “ready” for something meaningful again. In brief, we’re saying that they may also be trying to keep the door open for a possible reconciliation in the future.

4. They don’t want to be lonely:

In the end, the last motive for an avoidant ex to want to stay friends is to simply avoid being lonely because avoidants can be quite afraid of being alone. People with avoidant attachment styles tend to be uncomfortable with closeness and intimacy, so they may stay in contact with their ex to some extent in order to stave off feelings of loneliness and isolation.

Avoidants may find comfort in the familiarity of your relationship, even if the nature of the relationship changes and it is no longer romantic and purely platonic. In fact, a mere relationship in the form of occasional contact would be enough for an avoidant to feel content and satisfied as they’re usually not comfortable with too much closeness.

Additionally, staying in touch with their ex may provide them with a sense of security, as they may feel more connected to a person they know than to someone they do not.

What should you do if your avoidant ex wants to be friends?

Let us make it very clear that it is not your responsibility to make your avoidant ex feel content and happy with their life after the breakup. If you’re not comfortable with staying in touch, then be it! You should not feel forced to include anyone in your life when they don’t benefit you in any way and only cause you discomfort or trouble.

In other words, if your avoidant ex wants to be friends, it is important to think carefully about the relationship and how it may affect your mental health. It may be best to take some time to consider the pros and cons of remaining friends, as well as the potential risks involved. Ultimately, it is your decision and you should only pursue a friendship if you feel comfortable and safe doing so.

Staying friends with an avoidant ex can have various risks, such as reopening old wounds, inability to find closure, avoidance of emotions, setting unhealthy boundaries, and risking a reunion. This may lead to feelings of hurt, resentment, frustration, and confusion, which can be difficult to manage. It is important to be aware of these risks before you take the decision to keep the relationship alive, especially if you feel that it will not be healthy and beneficial for both parties.

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