It’s a pretty common story. You meet a guy, you hit it off, things seem to be going great…and then you find out he’s not over his ex.
You’re sitting across from him, listening as he describes his relationship with his ex in detail. He talks about how they met, what they did together, and how things ended between them. As he speaks, you can’t help but feel uncomfortable. It’s clear that he’s not over her yet, and you’re wondering what you should do.
Whether he’s still in love with her or they just have a lot of history together, it can be tough to compete with someone who isn’t even present. And it’s not just a case of him still being sad about the breakup, now you’re thinking about whether he’s still actively trying to get back together with his ex behind your back.
If you’re wondering what to do in this situation, here are a few things to keep in mind.
What to do if he wasn’t over his ex when he met you?
1- Don’t feel obligated to help him move on:
First, remember that you deserve someone who is fully invested in the relationship. If he’s still hung up on his ex, it’s not fair to you. What if you get stuck in a situation where you’re starting to develop feelings for someone who may never be able to fully commit to you. It’s hard enough to deal with your own complicated emotions, let alone try to navigate those of someone else in such a situation.
If you’ve found yourself in a situation where you’re dating someone who’s not quite over their ex, you may be wondering what you can do to help them move on. After all, you want to be the only thing on their mind, not an afterthought. However, you have to remember that you didn’t walk into this relationship with the intention of cleaning up someone else’s mess.
You don’t have to stay and try to fix things; if anything, you should consider running for your own sanity. The bottom line is that if someone isn’t over their ex when they meet you, it’s not your job to try and change that.
Just focus on being the best possible version of yourself and let things progress naturally. If it’s meant to be, it will happen. If not, then you’ll know it wasn’t meant to be and you can move on.
2- Confront him about it:
Second, don’t be afraid to have a conversation about it. It can be awkward, but it’s better to know where you stand than to stay in the dark. If you find yourself in this situation, it’s important to have an honest conversation or even a confrontation, with the person you’re dating.
Confronting him or forcing a conversation or chat about the issue is the best way to deal with the situation. Don’t hesitate to give him an ultimatum; if he’s not willing to commit to you fully, then you’re better off without him. It may be painful at the moment, but it’s better to deal with the pain now rather than later. Otherwise, you’ll just end up getting hurt more down the road.
If he’s still hung up on his ex and not interested in working through those feelings, then it’s probably best to move on. But if he’s willing to put in the effort to move past his love for his ex, then maybe there’s still a chance for things to work out between the two of you.
3- Don’t put yourself in comparison or competition with his ex:
Also, don’t try to force him to choose between you and her. In the end, that choice has to be his own. It’s not worth your time and energy to try to measure up to someone who isn’t even in the picture anymore.
This will only make you seem catty and insecure, and it’s bound to be a draining experience. You don’t want to be someone’s second choice, so if he’s still not over his ex, it’s probably best to move on. There is plenty of fish in the sea, and you deserve someone who is ready and willing to give you their full attention.
If he’s not over her, don’t put yourself in situations that will only hurt your self-esteem. In this case, it’s best to just move on and find someone who is fully available to you emotionally. There’s no point in trying to force something that’s just not meant to be.
4- Make sure he’s not hiding things from you:
If you decide to stay with this guy and give him a proper chance, then make sure he’s not gonna take advantage of you, at least. Don’t just trust what he says and be ready to investigate and dig deeper for the truth, at times.
If he’s still hanging onto the past, maybe it’s only a matter of time before he starts cheating on you. So make sure you’re not setting yourself up to be the other woman by doing your due diligence and also by asking him key questions.
For instance, ask if he still has pictures of her? Has he deleted all traces of her from his social media? If he can’t answer these questions without getting defensive, then it’s a sign that he’s not over her, even if the two of you got serious. You deserve better than to be someone’s rebound, so make sure he’s completely over his ex before you start dating him.
5- Decide what you want out of your relationship with him:
In the end, it’s important to be honest with yourself about your feelings. If you’re only interested in a casual fling, then it might not be worth getting involved with someone who’s still hung up on someone else.
However, if you’re looking for something more serious, then you need to ask yourself if you’re really willing to wait around for him to get over his ex. It’s important to decide what you want: are you okay with being second best?
If the answer is no, then it might be best to consider moving on before things get complicated. Either way, it’s important, to be honest with yourself and your partner about your feelings and intentions from the start. So sit down with him and talk about your expectations; let him know that you’re not okay with being his backup plan. Hopefully, he’ll be understanding and the two of you will be able to get on the same page.
In the end, if the guy is secretive, mysterious, and confusing; here are a few signs to know if you’re their rebound or not.