It can feel like a dagger in the heart when someone you love says they don’t see themselves marrying you. It’s especially sad because you can see a future with them, and it feels like a rejection. You might start to wonder why you don’t qualify and what’s wrong with you.
It can make you miserable trying to figure it out. The best thing you can do is accept that they don’t feel the same way and move on. It hurts, but the sooner you wake up from your disappointment and misery; the sooner you can plan a better future for yourself, without them in it.
But, for now, all you can think about is what if they meet someone else and get married, leaving you behind. Maybe, you think about asking them why they don’t see themselves marrying you. But, you know very well that they will be dishonest. So if the truth will give you closure and help you move on faster, then here we’ll be serving it to you on a golden plate.
5 Reasons he doesn’t see himself marrying you:
Some women would seriously wonder why a guy they dated, lived with and gave everything to; wouldn’t marry them still. They’d complain or go as far as to cry and say that even after up to 10 years of shared history or a serious relationship; he wouldn’t put a ring on her finger.
If you are one of them, then please keep in mind that no amount of time or proving yourself to him will change his opinion of you. Probably because one of the reasons below applies:
1- Your goals don’t align:
One reason why he may not feel ready to marry you is that your goals don’t align. Maybe, he wants to travel the world and see as many different cultures as possible. You, on the other hand, are content with staying in your small town and never leaving. Maybe, that provides you with security and a sense of stability.
That’s not to say that there’s anything wrong with that, it could just not be what he wants for himself. Maybe, he needs someone who is willing to explore the world with him and who shares his sense of adventure. Without that, he may not be able to be happy together with you in the long term.
So if you suspect that his reason for not wanting to marry you could genuinely just be that your goals don’t align, think about talking to him about it. Sit him down and explain what you want and what compromises you’re willing to make to achieve the bigger picture. Maybe, he will be willing to meet you halfway.
Keep in mind that this is the kindest and most innocent reason we will list to justify his behavior. But, it’s also the least probably one because if your goals didn’t align that much you wouldn’t even have gotten together or stayed in a relationship for many years. And, that’s the assumption we’re basing this entire article on: that you were in a relationship and he suddenly told you that he doesn’t see himself ever marrying you. So proceed and find more possible explanations.
2- He doesn’t want to marry out of pity:
Maybe, he doesn’t want to marry out of pity, which means that just because he spent so much time with you; doesn’t mean he has to marry you now. He may have stayed in a relationship for so long with you, but that doesn’t make him responsible for helping you find a life partner.
Your relationship with may have been so long and even wasted your time, youth, and all the energy you had but it doesn’t mean he owes you something now.
Maybe he will choose to marry someone he loves and respects, but also someone who he feels he’s marrying out of choice. Not someone he’s marrying because he feels he cannot get away with leaving them now after so many years of shared history. He may even be sorry if it hurts, but he probably thinks it’s better this way than forcing his hand to put a ring on yours, just to “make it right”.
3- He thinks he can do better:
It’s a sad but true fact that some men won’t marry their long-term girlfriends, because they feel like they could do better. They may have got with you when they were young and not had much experience with other women, but now that they’re older. A lot has changed, after all your relationship was a long-term one and a long time has passed since you started dating. So maybe he thinks he can do better now that he has a more stable job and that he looks better even or more like a matured man.
Maybe, they’ve seen their friends get married and they think that one or a couple have been lucky to select good-looking wives; that they didn’t even know for that long. Or maybe they’re just tired of being with the same person for so many years and want to try something different and new, which brings us to our next point. Whatever the reason, it’s a frustrating situation to be in. But there’s not much you can do about it except move on.
4- He wants a fresh and new love story:
It’s no secret that many men are creatures of habit, and they often resist change, even when it’s for the better. So it’s not surprising that many men would not hesitate to marry their long-term girlfriends, especially if they’re deeply in love with them. However, there are exceptions to the rules. Not all men are the same.
In the same way, many would marry their long-term relationship because they have so much shared history, others wouldn’t marry them for the same reason. The latter group may feel like they’re missing the “honeymoon phase” that comes with every relationship. They will crave the excitement of those first few months when you can’t keep your hands off each other and every kiss feels like a new adventure.
Of course, marriage is a big commitment, and it’s not something to be taken lightly. But, someone needs to teach these men that if they think they’ve found the right person in their long-term girlfriends, then getting married to them can be one of the most exhilarating experiences of their lives. It can come with a stronger and more intense feeling of self-fulfillment, excitement, and more. But, it’s pretty clear that they won’t listen.
5- He already got everything he could from you, without needing a ring:
In the end, when it comes to relationships, there’s no one-size-fits-all answer. Some people feel that marriage is the natural next step after falling in love, while others may view marriage as an outdated institution. There are many valid reasons for both viewpoints.
However, if your partner doesn’t want to marry you but didn’t spend mind spending years with you then it could be that he’s with you for the wrong reasons. Maybe all he wanted was someone to give him physical intimacy for as long as he wanted and for free, without any real commitment or almost irreversible vows.
Or, maybe he was only interested in you for financial gain or social status. In other terms perhaps marrying you would feel like a horrible idea to him, as long as he still gets what he wants from you; without needing to pop the question.
Remember that a person who loves you will be interested in all aspects of your life, including your happiness and wellbeing. So if marriage is what you wanted he should’ve given it a serious thought, at least once unless he got a hidden agenda. If your partner isn’t interested in anything except what they can get from you, then it’s time to let them go. You deserve someone who loves and respects you, not someone who is using you.
To sum it up there could be a lot more reasons than the one we listed. Some men choose not to marry their long-term girlfriends for a variety of reasons. For some, the thought of being tied down to one person for the rest of their life is simply too daunting. Others may enjoy the freedom that comes with being single and worry that marriage would mean sacrificing their independence.
And then there are those who simply don’t believe in the institution of marriage, in the first place. And lastly, there are all the other reasons listed above.
Whatever the reason, there’s no right or wrong answer when it comes to deciding whether or not to tie the knot. If you’re in a long-term relationship and your partner isn’t ready to take the next step, try not to pressure him into it. Marriage should be a decision that is made mutually and without coercion. After all, if he’s not ready to commit, it’s likely that the relationship wouldn’t survive anyway.