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What happens when you stop chasing an avoidant?

What happens when you stop chasing an avoidant?

There’s something particularly frustrating about being attracted to someone who seems indifferent to your affections. If you’re the type of person who tends to chase after those who seem unattainable, you may have found yourself drawn to someone who has been seeming to avoid you.

While it can be tempting to try to win over their affection, it’s important to remember that changing someone’s fundamental personality is impossible. Instead, it’s important to focus on your own needs and learn to let go.

Only then will you be able to find someone who is truly compatible with you. So, if you’re getting ready to let go but just want to know what is likely to happen or how the avoidant will react once you do that, read more!

What is avoidant attachment?

Someone with an avoidant personality disorder is someone who has a mental condition characterized by social anxiety, fear of rejection, and feelings of inadequacy in social situations. People with this disorder often avoid social interactions and activities because they are aware that they start feeling uncomfortable or anxious in such scenarios.

They may also have difficulty forming close relationships due to their low self-esteem, feelings of unworthiness, or other underlying issues. When a baby is born, they are hardwired to seek out human contact. This instinct is known as attachment, and it helps to ensure that babies receive the care and protection they need to survive.

However, some children develop what is known as avoidant attachment. This occurs when a baby fails to form a close bond with their caregiver.

When the parents or main caregiver only provides necessities; like food or shelter for the child to grow, the baby may develop what is referred to as “avoidant attachment”. Avoidant attachment can be caused by a variety of factors, including neglect or abuse. As a result, infants with avoidant attachments often grow into adults who have difficulty forming close relationships.

They may fear getting harmed if they express their emotions. They may fear getting emotional or vulnerable or allowing themselves to become too close to anyone. Or, they may just reject relationships by being dismissive and evasive as a way of protecting their feelings.

They may also feel uncomfortable relying on others for support and may instead choose to do things alone instead. While avoidant attachment is not necessarily harmful, it can make it difficult for affected individuals to form intimate bonds with others.

– Disclaimer:

In this article, we will refer to a person who you noticed has been avoiding you or ignoring your efforts to reach out to them as an “avoidant”.

Hence “avoidant” in this article can be used to refer to anyone who has been acting distant from you for no reason or avoiding you and failing to create a closer bond with you, despite your best efforts. So an avoidant here will not necessarily refer to someone diagnosed with the condition.

Also, keep in mind that I am not an expert in mental conditions or their treatments; and these are merely my observations from life experience and advice. You can visit our About us page later, to learn more about my spouse and me and the reason behind this website and our publications.

5 things that happen when you stop chasing an avoidant:

1) They will feel bad:

When you stop chasing an avoidant, they may feel bad at first. After all, they were used to you being there whenever they needed you. However, after a while, they’ll start to realize that they need to take responsibility for their own happiness. And they’ll slowly build a routine or life where you don’t exist.

The point is that just because an avoidant feels bad when you cut them out or stop chasing them, doesn’t mean they’ll change. Just because they feel sad that you stopped putting effort into the relationship doesn’t mean they’ll go out of their way to chase and find you.

They may even miss you but their cozy loneliness and solo life are too good for them to leave behind or start involving themselves willingly in a social pursuit after you. In the end, stopping your chase can be a good thing for both of you. It will give you a break and it may give the avoidant time to realize your value and worth.

However, if you thought that having them feel bad or miss you will change them, you better snap out of it. Unless you go find them again and rebuild the relationship or friendship, we can guarantee that an avoidant will not try very hard to keep you in their life.

2) They slowly get used to life without you:

When you stop chasing an avoidant person, they slowly get used to life without you, sooner or later. They may find that they don’t miss you as much as they thought they would and that life is actually easier without you or when they’re alone.

This is just this type of extreme introvert or person who avoids social situations, as a whole, is. Don’t forget that making efforts to socialize, meet others and strengthen relationships are not this type of person’s forte. In fact, building and nurturing relationships can sometimes feel like a chore for these people.

They may also start to feel more confident and independent, the less they have to keep up with others and maintain any relationships. This means that once you’re gone, they may even start to enjoy their newfound freedom and loneliness.

Of course, there’s also a chance that they’ll miss you a little and feel sorry as explained in the earlier point. In either case, it’s important to give them the space they need to figure things out for themselves. If they come back to you, great! If not, at least you know you tried.

As we explained, space gives the avoidant a chance to grow and learn, and it allows you to focus on your own life and happiness, for a while at least. You can decide at any point you want to go find them again and rebuild what once was if you find yourself feeling regretful about having stopped chasing them.

3- They may make an effort to reach out:

That’s right; even though we clarified that an avoidant will have no need for you and can do well by themselves; there are cases where they may want you back. They may even try something or two to get you back.

In this case, they may actually start to miss you and even think about you more fondly when you’re no longer around. It may sound unbelievable but if you really mattered to the avoidant and were not just a random acquaintance or friend, then they may want to reach out, at least once.

They may be willing to make that effort even if it’s just once. They will try to text you or call you. Avoidants tend to get comfortable in relationships when they feel like they have the upper hand. So if that’s the relationship you two had or if they were closely related to you, or have a strong reason not to let you go easily; then you may want to expect a little effort from them to reach out.

When they feel like they are being pursued, avoidants may start to feel suffocated and back away. However, when they realize that they are no longer the center of your attention, they may begin to appreciate you again and look for you. So, if you’re tired of chasing an avoidant, try taking a step back and see what happens. You may be surprised by the result.

4- They will eventually give up on you:

When you stop chasing an avoidant, they will eventually forget about you. Even if they try to reach out once or twice a day will eventually come where they will not need to do that anymore.

This is because they are unfortunately used to getting what they want without having to put in any effort. They’re not used to working for relationships and may not even see that there’s anything wrong with their behavior.

When they realize that they can’t just have you chase them around, they will move on to someone else who is more willing to give them the attention they crave. That’s because even though avoidants hate social interactions and feel like it’s a chore to engage in one, they prefer relationships that they don’t have to work for.

They clearly do not want to take the initiative or the lead so they will not be the ones pursuing you or chasing you any time soon. As explained earlier the most an avoidant can do is to reach out once or so to see if you’re available or make that one little effort to get you back. And even in this case, they’ll only try once or so and only if the relationships mattered a lot to them.

In order to get over an avoidant, it is important that you stop reaching out to them. Once they realize that you are no longer interested, they will likely lose interest as well. If you want to move on, the best thing you can do is cut off all communication and give yourself some time to heal.

5- They will fully forget about you and move on:

If you’re interested in building a close relationship with someone who is avoidant, you will eventually learn about the constant chasing and pushing you’ll have to do to get them to notice you. It feels like you’re always the one initiating plans, work projects, or conversations about your relationship.

And sadly, when you stop chasing an avoidant, eventually they will forget about you. It will inevitably happen in the end. They will move on with their lives and nothing else will be done. You will become a distant memory to them and their life will go on without you.

If they heard about you or remembered you they may even smile or genuinely wonder why you disappeared. Still, they’re just not naturally sociable and wouldn’t go out of their way to try and find you again or to stay in touch.

So if you’re tired of being the one who is always chasing, take a break and see what happens. Chances are, they won’t even bother to chase after you. After all, who wants a friend who doesn’t reciprocate our efforts and interest?

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