If you are unaware, being taken for granted is not something you should wish for yourself. It essentially means that someone views you as a constant presence in their life and feels they don’t have to make any effort to keep you in it.
Yes, you could still have an important role in someone’s life even if you are taken for granted. However, they might not value your presence and don’t make active efforts to keep you around. They may not be grateful to you either.
You can be taken for granted in any type of relationship. Many times, family members take each other for granted because they think the blood relations that unite them are enough. However, friends and romantic partners can also take one another for granted. If you suspect that someone is not grateful for the person you are and how you benefit their life there are signs you can start looking for.
Signs you’re being taken for granted:
1. You’re not being fully respected:
We only value respect when we don’t have it from the person we want it from more. When you do something for them and they simply regard it as your obligation or duty, like preparing a meal or even just calling them to check how they are, it can be heartbreaking. In this case, you know they don’t appreciate your effort.
By not appreciating you, they see the things you do for them simply as a perk. If they happen to lash out when you failed to fulfill your “obligations” that’s a clear sign that respect for your work or efforts didn’t even cross their mind.
2. They don’t ask what’s going on in your life:
It’s perfectly normal to be engrossed in our own lives when we have a big problem or difficult decisions to make. However, people should also set aside some time to check in on the person they are with. If you notice that your partner is too focused on their own life and rarely asks about you or they only do it because they want something from you; they are taking you for granted.
When you feel that you can’t rely on your partner to vent and ask for advice, it means that they probably aren’t interested in your life and just want to keep you around with very minimal effort on their part. Check this article out later on what it means to only give the bare minimum when in a relationship.
3. You might have low self-esteem because of them:
When you are taken for granted, usually your partner doesn’t create a safe space for you to share your worries and feelings. They might be so self-centered that when you do decide to share something with them, they either don’t take you seriously or try to minimize the situation.
They can do this by controlling or manipulating you, leading you to think that your feelings aren’t valid and you should focus on your partner’s life instead. All of this can contribute to low self-esteem.
4. They are a priority for you, but you’re not a priority for them:
When you love someone one of the things you want to do to prove that love is to show that they are a priority in your life. If they have a problem, they should feel free to go to you for advice, if they are feeling like doing something fun, they should feel like it’s okay to include you in the plans.
However, if your partner is doing exactly the opposite, it shows that you are not present in their thoughts, or at least not as an important factor. They take you for granted, so they think that if you aren’t included in something important in their life, that’s not a problem.
You should also pay attention to the fact that, if you start acting like them to show them how it feels not to be a priority for your partner, they might lash out because they still expect to be a priority for you, nonetheless.
5. Your needs aren’t met:
Much like the sign above, even if you make your needs clear to your partner, and they don’t seem to care, you are probably being taken for granted.
You did your best to try to meet your partners’ needs, and if they don’t care about yours they will just be happy and focused on their own life because they assume that you making them happy is enough for you to be happy.
6. They don’t try enough to understand your feelings:
Feeling like we are understood is one of the best feelings in a relationship. Sometimes, you are having trouble with something that might not even be related to your relationship, but knowing that you can talk about it with your partner and be heard is reassuring.
But if your partner, instead of carefully listening to you, simply gives their opinion as soon as they get a chance and drop the subject, then It may signal that they don’t really care. They might have thought that it was boring which might mean that you are being taken for granted.
In the end, if all of this makes you realize that you are being taken for granted in your relationship for real; then here’s what to do about it.