The first reason you should never date someone married is that it’s dishonest. It may seem like there are no consequences for dating someone who is already committed in a marriage, but in reality, there are many. Even when the person told you that they’re “getting a divorce” or “almost separated”, it will be a lot smarter and wiser not to wait for someone like that or to even give them a chance.
Yes, you can choose to date divorced or separated people if they are already so when you met them. However, someone who is not already separated could end up dragging you for years in never-ending drama only to still choose to stay with their spouse in the end.
After having wasted your time, used you for support, and even abused your feelings and trust in the process, you may end up getting hurting and hurting more than one other person just because you chose to believe a perfect stranger and “wait” for them to solve their marital issues.
If this explanation is not enough then here are 5 main reasons why you should never flirt, date, or even consider looking at someone who is married. And that’s regardless of whether or not they claim to be in the process of a divorce or separation.
So why not to date a married man or woman?
1- They’re never available for you:
You may not see them as much as you would like to because of their marital obligations. Or, this could be because of excuses and made-up reasons they invent every time; when in reality they must just be busy with their partner.
Even if they had a rocky and bumpy relationship with their partner, if they’re still not divorced; this 100% means they could still be working on it. Every time that they tell you that they’re not coming to see you because they’re fighting or arguing with their partner or busy with them, you should know that there could be a happy ending for them still. All couples argue, but not all do separate.
For all, you know they could be sleeping in the same bed every night and having a normal marriage when you’re made to wait for nothing. One thing is for sure; anyone who dates or enters a relationship with someone who is still not fully separated or divorced, will be waiting and waiting for a very long for things that may never happen.
To even see your loved one during an important occasion; like Christmas or New Year, may look like a dream and something inaccessible. That’s because they are never available for you. They don’t put your first, they cannot put you first and no amount of excuses can justify why you have such low standards and don’t look for someone who will make you their entire universe instead.
2- Your future becomes unclear:
You can’t have an open conversation with them about what your future looks like. Or, if you can then they’re probably lying to you.
If you are dating someone who is married, the future of your relationship is unclear. You don’t know if they are going to stay with their spouse or if they are going to leave them for you. You may feel that you have found your soulmate but the truth is that you haven’t. It’s not fair to yourself or even them to be in a relationship, where there is no guarantee of a future.
The future may look unclear to you, while you wait and wait indefinitely for years. However, for their spouse, the future may never look so sure. They could’ve reconciled during any of the nights or days that they were spending together, without you even knowing. And keep in mind that a spouse is always put first and before any childish affair or a desperate person one could use during a low point of the marriage.
3- They are probably lying about more than just one thing:
There are always 2 sides to every story, so remember that when one person tells you that they’re separating, if you ask the other partner they could say: “No, we’re doing amazing” or “we sorting things out”. So as long as a couple is not separated, who is to judge that they will be one day?
It could also just be a big lie. It could be that there wasn’t ever a question of separation at all, but they made you believe so to get a chance with you. No soul or consciousness can exist in two bodies at the same time. In the same way, you should not allow yourself to be in a relationship with someone who’s already in one, no matter the reason.
If that person can prove with visual evidence that’s not fabricated that they are 100% separated or divorced then you could give them a chance or date them. However, as long as they’re giving you reasons as to why they have been separating for the last decade but it still never happened then you should stay away from there rather than lose your youth, time, and patience waiting for nothing.
4- You could be hurting other people:
How do you know that the current partner of the person you’re seeing is not in a perfect relationship from their side when they’re in fact being cheated on? You cannot take the word of one person on the fact that two people are “getting separated”. How do you know for a fact that the other person is on the same page and not being fed lies on their end too?
For all, you know you could be wrecking a beautiful marriage, home, family, and relationship that had nothing wrong with them until you show up. Imagine if the scenario was different and you were the spouse, happily married in a beautiful dreamy home with the one your heart chose, wouldn’t you want to know if they went and started playing games or feeding other people lies about how they intend to get separated from you?
In the same way, you would not have wanted to be cheated on, don’t be that somebody that will willingly start an affair with someone who’s taken. Plus there are millions of available and single people out there for you to pick from. And even if you were to be the one for that person and they ended up being separated from their spouse, what makes you think they’d want to jump to a serious commitment again straight away and without dating different people first? What makes you think they’d even be loyal to you if they cheated on the one before you, with you?
5- You look desperate and easy to please:
The entire situation makes you look so desperate and like you have no standards at all. In the end, the reason why most people like this end up with their spouse anyway is that the spouse looks precious, smart, and valuable. The spouse is already in a marriage and fighting still because they think they deserve better from their spouse; that in itself can look attractive and enticing.
On the other hand, there’s you that got chained quickly with two words or empty promises and ready to gift your body, heart, and soul in exchange for so little. Someone who didn’t even give you security, and who’s trying to make you wait for years in a corner while they work on their marriage; is not going to perceive your value ever.
They will think you’re desperate and that you will accept whatever little crumbs they throw at you from time to time. They won’t want to go out of their way and turn their life upside down; just to end up in a situation of being with you, which is a situation they’re already in without needing to do much anyway.
You should never date someone married because it’s not only a betrayal to the person they’re still with but also an insult to you. You deserve more and deserve to have someone from the start fully for yourself.
So if you meet someone who tries to make you wait because they’re “getting” separated, then you should question if they’re just using you and wasting your time. In other words, you should up and leave. if you want tell them they’re free to “hola at you” once they’re single but NOT before. However, make sure they don’t fabricate false evidence of their divorce or lie about having separated when they didn’t.