The idea that you should not date someone who lives with their ex is not a new one. It’s been around for a long time. The idea is that if you date someone who lives with an ex, then your partner will never be able to fully let go of their past relationship, focus on you or give you a fair chance.
The first reason for this is because they live together with an ex-partner and you never know what develops or happens behind closed doors. Especially since the basic attraction is already there as they have considered each other a good enough match to date at some point in the past.
So what could stop them from rekindling that energy and attraction now? In fact, it could add some thrill and spiciness to their relationship with the addition of a third party such as you or a new date for one of them.
In brief and without wasting any of your time: dating someone who lives with their ex is a horrible idea. However, if you have time and would like to read and analyze a few reasons as to why it could turn into a disaster or a heartbreak for you then proceed with reading!
6 reasons not to date someone who lives with their ex:
1- Unresolved feelings are more likely to be revived:
Your new date or the ex they live with may have unresolved feelings for the other. And, this would not have been a problem as many people still can move on after a breakup with time and the right tools. However, when the exes in question live together then this already tells you that the breakup wasn’t ugly or horrible enough to make them cut off all contact.
And, this in itself may imply that there’s a chance of reconciliation or a chance of reviving unresolved feelings one or the other may have with every daily interaction they have.
So, it goes without saying that you just don’t want to get caught up in the middle of this little romance. Doing so is almost the same as setting up yourself for someone to cheat on you, lie to you, hide important information, and play games with you.
2- Going back to one another is very possible:
It is not rare for people to get back together with their exes and especially if the exes live under the same roof. The ease of access to them and the familiarity of the relationship are often enough to make anyone want to get back together rather than be alone. All it takes is one night when one of them felt nostalgic enough and lonely enough to take a step towards the other and go knock on their door in the middle of the night. The next thing everyone knows is that they’re back together and stronger than ever before!
The sad thing about this is that who the exes are dating at the moment and whether they’d be cheating on them, can all look so irrelevant knowing that they have known each other for so much longer.
In this case, our thinking may get clouded and we may perceive our ex who lives under the same roof as us as our partner rather than the new date that we only met some months ago. So you as the new date can easily be viewed as the outsider or the third wheel as they have more history and common memories.
3- You don’t have peace of mind:
If you are dating someone who lives with their ex, you should be aware of the possibility that they may cheat on you. And that’s not even something we have put on our list as it is something that can happen in any relationship. Yes, obviously if they live with their ex then it is an even higher probability but in the end, it is not always a guaranteed outcome.
However, what’s worse is that whether they cheat or not, you will always be wondering what they’re doing and how it is going between them and their very intimate roommate.
4- They are not ready for a new relationship:
You should ask yourself if this person is willing to work on the new relationship because they are still living with their ex.
Some people think that living together with their ex is not something romantic, emotional, or sexual. They claim it is done for convenience or because they don’t want to spend money on rent.
However, even if living with an ex was done for convenience, keep in mind that it is still very personal. And, even the people who use the argument of “convenience” are not naive, and know deep down that it matters on other levels too. You cannot act like a person with whom you shared your bed, your body, your deepest thoughts, and romantic emotions; will suddenly “only” become a roommate, overnight.
So more often than not, the people that stay under the same roof with their ex after the relationship ends, are not thinking of getting straight away into another serious relationship. Maybe they’re thinking about taking things easy or staying single for a while, until they figure out their living situation and make themselves available or ready for a new relationship.
5- It will be hard to avoid awkward moments:
Your new date will most likely have to see their ex or previous partner often if they live together. This can make for some awkward moments and lead to unnecessary conflict between the two of you.
Also, whenever you visit your date often or if things start getting serious about your two then it will only get more complicated. And, you will spend most of your time trying to figure out how to avoid the person they live with.
6- It shows they’re not reliable:
If a person is truly into you but still lives with their ex, it simply means that they don’t have their priorities in life right and they’re not reliable. This type of person is not in their right mind nor are they capable of giving you loyalty, security, love, and safety.
Or at least, they didn’t mature yet or become the best version of themselves when it comes to what they have to offer to a romantic partner.
On top of that, it can be difficult to date someone who lives with their ex because it can cause issues down the line, such as jealousy and feeling like they have to compete for their attention. So anyone who puts you in a situation like this from the get-go is clearly not trustworthy or reliable and you will be suffering and going through a lot consistently to prove yourself to them.
The bottom line:
This is a common dilemma that many people face when they start dating someone who lives with their ex. They worry about the potential consequences and how they will affect their current relationship.
That’s why our overall advice is not to date someone who lives with their ex, and that’s why we have published in the past a post about why it’s such a horrible idea to live with your ex after you break up.