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Is staying out late, in a relationship okay?

Is staying out late, in a relationship okay?

We all lead busy lives, but sometimes things get busier than usual. When you’re both working adults in a relationship, constantly staying out late can be a problem.

Whether that’s because you’re stuck working or because you go out with friends to wind down, doing so while sacrificing quality time with your significant other can become a big issue. 

The simple answer:

Is staying out late when in a relationship okay? The answer to this question truly depends on the context of things. If your partner doesn’t have a good work-life balance and they’re constantly out late catching up with work, that’s not okay for them or the relationship. 

If your partner is always partying and they never include you in their plans, that’s a huge red flag. However, if staying up late is something that doesn’t happen too often, there shouldn’t be a problem. You’re both allowed to have time to yourselves and have a little space. 

Is it a recurring fight?

When staying up late becomes the topic of recurring fights, it’s clear that it’s not okay because it has turned into an issue. This is very disruptive to the relationship. If you’re constantly fighting about this but not communicating well, it can lead to a big explosion and that’s never good for any relationship. 

If your emotions are running high and you’re frustrated, you can end up saying things you’ll regret. However, that doesn’t mean you can’t express yourself and have a conversation about what’s bothering you. You also have a right to ask why they’re always staying up late and why they can’t do something to prevent that. 

What to do when you keep arguing about the same topic?

1- Approach the topic from a different angle:

With any recurring fight, the problem needs to be approached from a different perspective. If you keep having the same fight, it’s clear that the communication is not really working. So, you need to change your approach and address the issue with a cool head. 

The most important thing here is to address the issues clearly. There are two potential problems here. The first one is that you need to spend quality time with your partner. If they’ve been staying up late, it means you haven’t been spending much time together. So, you start to feel disconnected and you miss the person you’re in a relationship with.

The second problem is that you’re questioning how committed your partner is. You start to wonder if they even like being with you. In some cases, you even start to doubt your partner’s commitment or even loyalty. It’s not uncommon to grow suspicious about what they’re doing.

If it’s not work-related, then what’s so important that they can’t come home to be with you or ask you out too? 

2- Talk about quality time:

If your partner’s constant staying up late has become a problem for you, you need to talk to them about it. Talking about quality time is a great way to start the conversation. “I feel like we haven’t been spending much quality time together, so I really want to talk about what that means for me and why it matters so much.” 

Make sure you enter this conversation with a cool head. It’s okay to be upset about the lack of quality time together in the relationship. However, there are healthy ways to express your feelings. Avoid making accusations and making your partner feel guilty. 

Simply explain how you’ve been feeling and be clear about why quality time matters. Perhaps it makes you feel more connected or maybe it makes you feel safer in the relationship because it’e reassuring to be reminded that they’re there for you all the time and prioritise you. For some people, quality time is an important expression of love. 

You don’t want them to stop working or spending time with their friends, you just want them to have a bit more balance. You make time for them and prioritize them in your life, so you want to feel like they’re doing the same. Approach the subject with an open and honest heart. If things don’t change after that, then it’s more problematic than yout thought. 

3- Hold Your Partner Accountable:

If you’ve been clear about your needs but your partner hasn’t taken them into account, you need to hold them accountable. If you’re not feeling like they’re making an effort or they’re not as committed as you are, let them know. Check this article out on what to do when boundaries are crossed in a relationship for a better guidance.

It might be scary for you, but if you’re questioning your partner’s love or commitment, you need to bring that forward and see what they have to say. The issue is not that they’re having fun with friends or that they’re furthering their career.

The issue is that they’re neglecting you and your relationship. You also have fun with friends and work hard to be successful at work, but you manage to make time for your relationship because it matters to you. So, learn to put your foot down in your relationship and confront your aprtner calmly!

If they’re not doing the same and giving you the same rights you give them, you do have to ask why. Relationships are based on many pillars, one of them is reciprocity. 

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