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Is getting a lap dance appropriate when you’re taken?

Is getting a lap dance appropriate when you’re taken?

When you’re in a relationship, there are boundaries. There are things you can and can’t do based on your definition of commitment and fidelity. We say “your definition” because couples decide together what loyalty, cheating, betrayal, or commitment mean to them. That’s why communication is key for healthy relationships. 

Cheating is such a broad term, but it’s also very personal. For some couples, flirting can be considered as cheating while. For others, it’s not really a problem as long as the flirting is harmless and there’s no intention of taking it further. 

For couples in an open relationship, it’s perfectly acceptable to be with other people but some boundaries are previously determined and agreed upon. All this to say that you can’t simply do what you please. 

You decide what your boundaries are together:

When you’re in a relationship, almost everything is a decision that you make together. Why? Because you have to be mindful of the other person’s feelings, boundaries, and needs. Today, we want to discuss whether getting a lap dance is appropriate when you’re in a relationship. 

To do that, we have to encourage you to have an open and honest conversation about what’s considered cheating. Not only according to you but also according to your partner.

This is a very important conversation to have early in the conversation so you’re both clear on what you can and can’t do. If you haven’t had the conversation, this is the time. 

Is getting a lap dance appropriate when in a relationship?

Honestly, you’re the only one who can answer this question. A lap dance is when a dancer dances on a person’s lap and there’s physical contact. Usually, when you go to a strip club for adult entertainment, physical contact is not allowed unless it’s a lap dance. That doesn’t mean clients can touch dancers, but the dancers can touch clients with their bodies. 

It can be quite sexually charged, so it’s up to the two people involved in the relationship to determine if that kind of thing is a violation of the boundaries that have been set. Some people don’t think it’s a big deal, others may be a little more strict. 

For some people, a lap dance may be acceptable if it’s a one-time thing or in the context of a bachelor/bachelorette party. However, if it’s a common thing and the person goes to great lengths to hide it and be sneaky about it, that’s another issue.

Some might think a lap dance is something that should be taken with a pinch of salt. So, if your partner is not the kind of person who frequents strip clubs behind your back and the lap dance was a one-off occasion while the both of you were visiting this type of place then you might accept it.

You might think that it isn’t a problem if you were there too and literally gave permission for it, especially since there are couples that do way more than this if it’s agreed on obviously. But, if it becomes a habit or something your partner just cannot live without then you have to let your partner know that it’s getting on your nerves. The issue may require a deeper conversation or reaction from you. 

Share your ideas, preferences, wants, and boundaries with your partner:

Whether you’re on board with your partner getting a lap dance or not, having a conversation about it is key. Relationships don’t necessarily have to conform to general ideas. If you don’t want yours to, then don’t let it. What other people may think is okay can be wrong for you. Or, maybe when others think it’s wrong, you as a couple may think it’s acceptable because you trust each other. 

People are different and couples have different philosophies, so to speak. That’s why you need to create your own rulebook together. Sit down and be honest with one another. You will find points in common and, wherever you disagree, you’ll be able to compromise. 

When you’re in a relationship, you’re the only two people in the world who can determine what’s okay to do and what’s out of bounds. For most people, cheating is when you have sexual contact with another person. Other people think that micro-cheating is a thing and get rubbed the wrong way if their partner even took a second glance at someone they deem attractive enough.

Actively engaging in sexual contact with someone who is not your partner in any way is largely considered to be cheating too. Unless you’re in an open relationship.

If that’s your concept of cheating, then a lap dance may very well fall into that category for you. If it does, you need to make that clear to your partner. If it doesn’t, you also have to be clear about that. Partners are not mindreaders, which is why it’s important to see where you both stand on cheating and make sure you understand one another.  


Is getting a lap dance appropriate when in a relationship? Well, it depends. It depends on the context, whether it was done behind your back or not. But, most importantly it depends on your concept of cheating and the boundaries and rules that you have set together as a couple.

As mentioned earlier, you two are the only ones who can determine what’s allowed and what’s not. Once you both agree to each other’s limits, surpassing those limits is a violation of trust and it’s disrespectful, so it should definitely be addressed. You can check this article out for a list of things that are commonly agreed on to be deal-breakers in any relationship.

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