It can be tricky to tell your parents that you have a boyfriend, especially if you think they might not approve. On the one hand, you don’t want to lie or keep secrets from them.
On the other hand, you also don’t want to get into an argument or have a big confrontation. If you’re not sure how to handle the situation, here are a few tips.
5 steps to tell your parents that you have a boyfriend:
1- Test the waters, first:
First, try to gauge their reaction. If you bring up the topic casually and they seem open to it, then that’s a good sign. Try talking about this imaginary friend of yours that has just started seeing someone and see what they say about it.
You can even throw your real bestie, whom they know very well, under the bus and say she just got a boyfriend to see what they’ll say next. Isn’t that cautious and smarter to do before you throw your own self under the bus? Plus, it’s not like your parents have a say when it comes to what your best friend can or cannot do with her own life.
If they get extremely offended and say that you should consider cutting ties with her, just because she now has this imaginary boyfriend, then you’ll pretty much understand that telling them the truth would be a death wish. If they even just shut down the conversation or get angry, then it might be better to wait until they’re in a better mood.
However, if they’re curious and impressed or intrigued but in a positive way, then you can give them vague information about that fake story. But, be ready to gradually talk about your own personal life and new flame in a day or two. You should also remember to tell them later that your bestie’s relationship was short-lived and didn’t work out, but not until after they hear about and approve of your boyfriend.
2- Be prepared to answer their questions:
Second, be prepared to answer their questions. They might want to know about his family, his hobbies, or his plans for the future. Be honest but also respectful of their concerns.
When it comes to telling your parents that you have a boyfriend, it’s important to be prepared and ready to answer rather than dodge any type of question they might have. They may want to know how you met, what his name is, and what his intentions are.
They’re going to want to know everything from his political views to his religion, so being able to answer these questions confidently will go a long way. It’s also important, to be honest with them about your feelings.
Be sure to let them know that you’re happy with your relationship and that you feel safe and secure with your boyfriend. Ultimately, they just want what’s best for you, so be honest and open with them about your relationship.
3- Don’t put yourself under too much pressure:
Also, don’t put too much pressure on yourself. This is just a phase in your life and it’s okay if your parents need some time to adjust. Just take things one step at a time and eventually they’ll come around.
In fact, even though the thought of telling your parents that you have a boyfriend can be daunting, it doesn’t have to be if you keep things cool. In the end, what matters is that you remember to relax and go at your own pace with when and how to tell them. There’s no need to panic or make it out to be this very stressful and even close-to-death experience, in your head.
The most important thing is, to be honest with your parents and communicate openly with them. They’ll likely have questions and concerns, as mentioned earlier, but if you approach the conversation in a calm and respectful way, they’ll be more likely to listen to what you have to say.
Ultimately, your parents just want what’s best for you, so no need to fight them and be very aggressive or defensive about it. Try to keep that in mind as you internalize that this relationship may not be worth breaking your parents’ hearts over, which brings us to the next point:
4- Don’t go out of your way to prove that he’s the real deal:
A very important thing to do is to try not to go out of your way to prove that this guy is “the one” or the “real deal.” Your parents will likely see right through this, if he’s not, and from the start especially if you’re a minor. They have more experience and so their opinion is valuable and often well-founded.
Plus imagine fighting the entire world to prove that this guy is your prince charming only for him to break your heart into a million pieces, soon enough.
In this scenario, you’ll have nobody left to help you pick up the pieces and it will just make you look like a fool. So even though you don’t have to allow them to be very strict or mean about it nor to disrespect him in any way, you still shouldn’t kill yourself trying to prove his worth.
And, try not to get too defensive if they’re not immediately sold on the idea of you dating anyone at all. You can see in this case, that it is not personal or specific to your boyfriend so no need to get too sensitive about it. It’s probably their way of trying to protect you. At the end of the day, as long as you handle the conversation calmly and confidently, things should go well.
5- Try to make them understand that this is a natural and rational thing for you to do:
A nice and mature conversation about how you see things can not only reassure them but prove to them that you’re wise enough and that they have nothing to fear. Explain to them that independently of who your boyfriend is: you don’t want to stay alone forever and that you’d eventually want to start a family one day, with someone special.
Tell them that before you find that special someone you’ll have to date and have not just one, but possibly different boyfriends, and kiss a couple of frogs along the way.
That’s just a natural process of life. There’s no way around it; unless they want you to marry the first person that knocks at your door and who’ll also be someone you don’t know much about and could be not so compatible with… So tell them that even if they don’t like your boyfriend they have to respect your choice and try their best to get along with him.
In the end, there’s no guarantee that he will be the one or not, so there’s no need for hard feelings from day one. But, until you find the one you have to date and have boyfriends and so you’d rather include your parents in that part of your life, instead of lying, hiding things, and covering them up until one day you introduce them directly to your fiance. So, try this approach and see if it works. Good luck!