Are you tired of holding onto grudges like a toddler clings to their favorite toy? Do you want to release that heavy weight of resentment and anger that’s been dragging you down?
Well, get ready to toss that emotional baggage aside because We’ve got a formula that’s so easy, even a preschooler could follow it. In just four simple steps, you’ll be able to tell that person who wronged you that you forgive them, and actually mean it!
Of course, at that time you’ll finally be free to focus on more important things, like deciding what type of bath bomb you need for a much-needed me-time next weekend. So, grab a pen, paper, and an open mind, and let’s get ready to forgive, tell them and forget!
4 easy steps to tell someone you forgive them:
Step 1: Acknowledge the Hurt and Your Feelings
The first step to telling someone you forgive them is to acknowledge the hurt they caused you and your own feelings. It’s important to take the time to process your emotions and identify what specifically hurt you. This way you could even analyze how and why it led to such feelings and perhaps build a mental shield or change your thinking about the matter. This could mean that in the future you’ll be less prone to getting hurt if something similar happened again.
Were you disappointed, frustrated, or angry? By recognizing your own feelings, you can not only understand yourself, your priorities, and your values better but you can also better articulate your thoughts and communicate effectively with the person you’re forgiving. So take a deep breath, give yourself permission to feel and analyze your feelings with a critical mind, and after that get ready for the next step toward forgiveness.
Step 2: Find an Appropriate Time and Location
Now that you’ve acknowledged your hurt and feelings, it’s time to find the right time and place to speak with the person you want to forgive. This step is crucial because you want to ensure that you’re both in a calm and private setting where you can have an honest conversation without distractions. This could mean that you’ll have to let them know in advance that you want to hang out. It is the only way to ensure that they’ll be free and not rush you or cause more offense; if they’re busy or have other things planned.
As explained, the point is that it is important to choose a time when you’re both free from other commitments and not feeling rushed or stressed. You don’t want to forgive someone while they’re on their way out the door or in the middle of a busy restaurant. So take the time to plan and choose a location that feels comfortable and safe for both of you. Once you’ve found the perfect time and place, you’re ready for step three.
Step 3: Let Them Know Without Coming Across as Aggressive or Confrontational
Now that you’re in a safe and private space with the person you want to forgive, it’s time to let them know how you feel. It’s important to communicate your forgiveness in a way that doesn’t come across as aggressive or confrontational. Of course, you’ll have to first mention what they did wrong and what you’re forgiving them for before anything else. And, that could be a little hard to do without coming across as a little defensive so choose your words carefully and watch your body language too.
You don’t want to make the person feel attacked because that will only create more tension and make it harder to move forward. Instead, focus on using “I” statements that express how you feel without blaming or accusing the other person much.
For example, “I felt hurt when you didn’t show up to our meeting” is a more constructive way to communicate than “You always let me down.”. After you mention what they did that has hurt your feelings you can proceed to explain that you’re ready to let it go and grow from the experience. Remember to be sincere and specific about what you’re forgiving them for, and make it clear that you want to move forward in a positive way. Once you’ve expressed your forgiveness, it’s time for the final step.
Step 4: Stand Firm and Remember Your Feelings are Valid
The final step in telling someone you forgive them is to stand firm and remember that your feelings are valid. This step is important because sometimes the person you’re forgiving may try to gaslight you or deny that they did anything wrong. It’s important to stay calm and assertive in these situations and remind them that your feelings are real and valid. Don’t get carried away by their attempts to invalidate your feelings or make excuses for their behavior.
Instead, stay focused on your own emotions and remember that forgiveness is a personal choice that you’re making for your own well-being. So let them say what they want and explain that your truth and reality are different and that you have decided to forgive their behavior now so there’s no point in denying any wrongdoing. Make sure this doesn’t turn into a shouting match and quickly wrap things up once you said what you had in mind.
You can even offer that they don’t speak back now and go reflect on what you said and think about it deeper to understand your perspective if they’re unable to meet you halfway. In any case, your mission will be done at this point, and whether they accept your token of forgiveness or not shouldn’t matter to you. By standing firm in your forgiveness and validating your own feelings, you’re taking a powerful step for your own self and toward healing because you deserve to move forward in a positive way.