If you’re considering bringing up the topic of separation with your spouse, then there are a few things you should keep in mind if you want to avoid being annihilated.
Also, keep in mind that the decision to separate from your spouse is a weighty one and not one to be taken lightly. After all, once you’ve separated, in most cases there’s no going back and even if there is then things could become too toxic and unstable. That’s why it’s important to be absolutely sure that you’re ready to take this step before you say anything to your spouse.
If you’re not sure, it’s better to wait and see how things develop than to make a hasty decision that you may later regret. So think carefully before you address the subject of separation with your spouse, it could be a decision that changes your life forever. To make the task easier here are a few steps on how to do it the right way rather than be clumsy, unprepared, and messy about it.
5 steps to follow if you want to talk to your spouse about separation:
1. Don’t use it as a threat or warning:
Separation is a touchy subject, not just because it can be emotionally charged, but also because it’s such a final decision. Once you bring it up, there’s no going back as explained earlier. That’s why you should only bring up the topic of separation with your spouse if you’re absolutely sure that’s what you want.
If you’re just looking for a way to threaten or warn your spouse that they need to treat you better, then it’s better not to mention separation at all. Chances are they won’t take you seriously anyway, and then you’ll be stuck in an even worse situation because both of you could start resorting to threats; which will only make things more toxic. So if you’re considering separation, make sure it’s something you really want before bringing it up with your spouse. Otherwise, it’s not worth the hassle.
2. Make sure you pick the right time to bring it up:
Secondly, make sure you pick the right time to have this type of conversation. If you’re considering separation from your spouse, it’s important to choose the right time to have the conversation. You don’t want to blindside them with the news out of nowhere because that would just be cruel.
At the same time, you don’t want to wait too long, or they might later think that you’ve been using them or that you’re a hypocrite. Plus, it probably won’t go over well if you try to broach the subject during an argument or in the middle of a heated discussion. Instead, try to choose a time when both of you are calm and relaxed.
3. Be honest and transparent about your reasons for wanting to separate:
Thirdly, if you’re simply looking for a way out of the relationship, then your spouse is likely to see right through you. However, if you have valid reasons for wanting to separate, then they’ll be more likely to listen to what you have to say. Also, keep in mind that you may have to warn them that you don’t expect them to offer solutions or possible fixes to the issues you raise up.
For this reason, you may want to clarify at the start of the conversation that you’re ready, to be honest about your reasons for wanting to separate but that they shouldn’t try to change your mind. You can calmly explain that there’s no way to fix anything and that your decision is already made. This way, they can let you talk uninterrupted and you will be able to list all the causes that led you to make such a decision.
So keep in mind that divorce and separation are never easy, no matter the circumstances. It’s hard enough when there are clear-cut reasons for the split, but when there seems to be no obvious explanation, it can be even harder for your spouse to come to terms with. So keep in mind that you should think a lot and dig for a list of at least 3 strong reasons for your decision before you address the topic. If you’re considering ending your marriage or relationship, it’s important to take some time to really meditate about why you want to do this.
Are you wanting to be single again? Are you looking for a solo self-discovery journey? Are you simply incompatible with your spouse and things are turning toxic? There are endless possibilities and none of them are wrong. However, if your spouse is struggling to understand your motivations, it might be helpful to try and pinpoint the root cause of your desire to leave. Only you can know what that is, but it’s worth taking the time to figure it out. It could make all the difference in how your spouse reacts to the news.
4. Try to be civilized and calm about it regardless of how your spouse reacts:
Additionally, if you’ve decided to separate from your spouse, there’s no need to play the blaming game. Instead, opt for a civilized conversation about it. After all, you’re both adults, and you should be able to discuss your feelings calmly and rationally. Plus, if you can avoid resorting to blame, it’ll be much easier to reach a mutually agreeable decision about what to do next.
So instead of pointing fingers, sit down with your spouse and have an honest conversation about why you’re both unhappy in the relationship. You may be surprised at how much easier it is to reach a decision when you’re both on the same page. All in all, there’s no point in crying over spilled milk. You can start by explaining your reasons for wanting to separate as explained earlier, and then see if your spouse is open to discussion.
If they’re not, then you can simply agree to disagree and go your separate ways. Either way, separating doesn’t have to be a messy affair; so long as you’re willing to communicate openly and respectfully.
5. Don’t be afraid to stand your ground:
Finally, if your spouse doesn’t want to separate, then you’ll need to be prepared to fight for what you want. With these tips in mind, you should be able to successfully navigate the conversation without getting annihilated or cornered in the process.
Financially, emotionally, and spiritually, separation is a big decision. And if your spouse isn’t on board with the idea at first because they’re unprepared for it then don’t lose your temper. You should not be mean or rude under any scenario but you should be able to stick to your decision. After all, this is YOUR decision and you shouldn’t have to compromise just because your spouse isn’t ready.
Of course, that doesn’t mean it will be easy. If you’re used to making decisions together, going against your spouse can be tough. But if you’re confident in your decision and you’re prepared to handle the fallout, then you’ll be able to weather any storm. So go ahead and take that step; just be sure you’re ready for whatever comes next. In the end, don’t forget that the first step to finding your independence again is to stop depending on your soon-to-be spouse to guide you in life as this will only create unhealthy boundaries in the future.