Most people have different opinions about their in-laws. Some people love them and others are neutral or don’t like them but either way, it is important to learn to live in harmony and peace with yours, if you love your partner.
In-laws are a topic that most couples face and struggle with. However, there are some ways that you can deal with yours, in a healthy way and build a good relationship with them for your partner’s sake.
Arguing about in-laws is one of the most common things in relationships especially straight after marriage when things are still fresh and you’re not adjusted yet to their character. However, there are some ways to deal with this in a healthy way so that your partner can be happy in their relationship while you can also enjoy the perks of being part of their family (if there are any).
Why are your in-laws obsessed with you?
Arguments about in-laws are a common problem for couples. That becomes an even bigger issue during weddings and holidays often because they bring out the worst in us. During these times, we may end up fighting with our in-laws and everyone will have a different opinion, wants, and outlook. And, when your partner gets involved it’s almost like a sign that your relationship has hit a rough patch. However, it is not always your fault.
Wanting what you want for your own couple and relationship is okay and it is your certified right. So in the end, only your and your partner’s opinions should matter when it comes to your own little family, your kids, your wedding, your finances, etc. If your in-laws have a different opinion though and they like to have a say about everything that god ever made, then you’re not alone.
Most in-laws are difficult and have a hard time accepting that a new woman came into the family and that she, too, has the right to run her own little home the way she prefers. Their possessiveness over their son or brother can be as though they would much rather he stays alone and dies alone than give a woman all that power over him and make her a Queen in her own home or “the lady of the house” in their own house.
Sometimes, it is almost as though the women in your partner’s family know that the men, in general, don’t care much about little details of life and that it’s the women that rule in the end. In fact, there’s no denying that wives are the true decision-makers in almost every household, because men simply don’t care enough about anything but to make more money and sleep in a warm bed which was traditionally their role as providers anyway.
So the women in your partner’s family know very well that they’ve been doing whatever they please in their family or household for years. That’s why they seem obsessed or threatened by a new woman coming in and taking away the son to do whatever she pleases with him and “whatever she wants”.
It could make them scared that a full stranger will now also have her own say in their life with their own son and do everything her way. They’re sometimes selfish in the sense that they’d rather do what they want in their own lives and they’ve been doing it for years, but when a new woman has that power they like to strip her of it and decide for her too.
Not all in-laws are bad and unaccepting of the new bride:
However, not all in-laws are bad or have this problem. Some are very peaceful and won’t interfere or get involved ever in anything about the couple. They’re happy with whatever the couple decided to do and they’re content.
If you happen to be not this lucky and have a mother-in-law that “hates your guts” then you may come across many articles on this issue on this website! We always discuss how to handle these arguments and how you can start communicating better with your partner to avoid this happening again.
What are in-laws anyway?
The “inlaw” is a term referring to someone who is married to or related to you by marriage or blood. The word typically refers to relatives who are not biologically related by marriage, such as parents-in-law, step-parents, grandparents, etc.
How to survive your arguments about in-laws?
1- Do not disrespect them:
Keep in mind that they are your partner’s family in the end. Even though your partner may not agree with them he has to still love them for everything they did for him since he was first born up until you met him. So it is understandable that he wouldn’t accept it if you start calling them names or talking harshly about them.
2- Make him understand that you’re on his team:
Make him calmly understand that you fight for your own good, privacy, independence, and happiness as a couple. You’re not in a team against him. You’re on the same team as him! Make him slowly understand that you’re fighting for your rights and wants which are the only things that should matter in your own life.
For instance, if people’s idea of what a nice wedding looks like is different then it doesn’t matter because their opinions are irrelevant if it’s your own wedding anyway. They probably already have theirs or at least their time has already passed to have theirs. And now it’s your time to enjoy and choose what you want for your own self and life.
3- Only talk about what they’ve done to you:
Nobody will ever agree that the same parents that raised him so lovingly could be evil or the devil, especially not to his own wife! So it is important for you to internalize that your spouse may never agree with the fact that his family is horrible.
If he’s just and with time he may admit if they’ve done something bad or horrible to you but he will still find excuses for them. He will not ever think they’re little devils or villains like you want to hear him say and that’s okay. It doesn’t mean that he’s against you or not supportive.
4- Try to let go of the past:
If your in-laws have wronged you in the past and you chose to stay with your partner then there’s no reason why you should try and make him pay every day for what happened months or years ago. For the sake of your happiness and your relationship’s success, consider not ever talking about the past with your partner again or at least not nagging a lot about it.
You’re the one who chose to stay in your marriage or relationship even after what happened so either you be happy and forget or take your revenge only on them. This could be by cutting ties with your in-laws too if you feel that what they did is horrible and unforgivable. No matter what you do though, do not make your partner pay for other people’s mistakes.
When people get married, they usually start a new life with their spouse and have to meet their partner’s family and get along with them. This means that many people start to experience conflict between their spouse’s family and themselves, especially if the parents come from different cultural backgrounds.
However, arguing is not always a bad sign. It’s important for couples in marriages to be able to have meaningful conversations and even arguments because they lead to a better understanding of each other. If avoiding each other’s families is a good healthy way of being happy as a couple and having less stress in the relationship, then it should be considered.