It’s not uncommon for couples to engage in unhealthy behaviors, sometimes without meaning to. Navigating human emotions in a relationship can be difficult. The good news is that you can learn, together, to communicate healthily and effectively.
One of the most common unhealthy behaviors in a relationship is yelling in an argument. However common it may be, it shouldn’t be normalized or tolerated by any of the parties involved. It’s important to set clear limits and rules so communication can be healthy and flow well.
Yelling in a relationship is not okay and it shouldn’t be ignored because it’s a sign that something’s not right. This is the kind of behavior that must be addressed and dealt with. If this happens in your relationship, here are a few techniques that can help you both choose peace and calm. Even when it’s difficult!
How to stop yelling in a relationship?
1- Take a deep breath and regulate your emotions:
When you’re feeling strong emotions, it’s easy to give into them and start yelling or yell right back at the person who started. However, this kind of behavior only makes things escalate faster. When you allow your emotions to run the show, there’s very little room for a level conversation. This is why it’s so important to take a deep breath when you start to feel overwhelmed.
Acknowledge your feelings so you’re aware of them, but don’t let them rule your mind. Not only is breathing important, but it’s also important to acquire skills to regulate your emotions effectively.
Emotion regulation is the ability to control your emotions and it’s something you can learn to do. Notice your emotions, name them, accept them, and let them go so you can communicate well.
2- Consider the context of the situation:
When your partner yells at you, it’s a challenge to not take that personally. Additionally, you may even feel responsible for causing that reaction. However, you have to take a pause and try to detach yourself from what’s happening by considering the context.
Putting things into perspective in this kind of situation is key. Try to walk a mile in your partner’s shoes. This is not meant to justify their behavior, it’s only to understand what’s going on and how they’re feeling.
Perhaps they’re yelling because they feel like you’re not listening to what they’re saying or they’re frustrated about you not making an effort to understand them. In that case, putting things into perspective will allow you to be a better listener, de-escalate, and reset the conversation.
3- Don’t agree just to diffuse the situation:
It’s not uncommon for couples to apologize or agree with someone who’s yelling at them just to diffuse the situation. This is a big mistake because you’re essentially teaching your partner that their behavior is okay and you’re teaching them to demand your submission even when they’re wrong.
If they yell and you resist them when they’re in the wrong, you’re showing them that they cannot get away with whatever they want. In fact, if you have any issues dealing with such situations we recommend that you visit and read later our article on how to put your foot down in a relationship. All your partner has to do for you to listen and communicate healthily is lose their temper so demand it.
That’s not to say that there aren’t situations where you do have to apologize or agree. However, it shouldn’t be used as a solution to a problem because it will only work as a band-aid. Not to mention, it will worsen the issue of yelling; your partner will do it more often and, next time, they may yell even louder.
4- Ask for a time-out:
If you feel like the argument has gotten overwhelming and out of control, it’s important to ask for a time-out. Taking a break to calm down will do you both good. It will provide the time you need to think about the things that have happened and channel your negative emotions into strength to control yourself more and reflect on everything, so you can adjust your attitude.
Once you’ve both calmed down, you can have a better conversation so you can find a solution. If your partner doesn’t allow you to take a break no matter how overwhelmed you feel, take some space. Walk away and come back later or have them meet you in a public place where they can’t act so bad or strangers might literally get involved.
There are many things you can do as a couple to ditch unhealthy behavior and create healthy habits when it comes to dealing with arguments. Remember, you’re both on the same team. Yelling is not okay and it doesn’t lead to a productive conversation.
If none of these tactics seem to work and your efforts as a couple are not making a difference, you should consider couple’s therapy. We would say couple’s therapy is a must if you feel like the situation is completely out of hand and your relationship is deteriorating as a result.
If your partner is reluctant to meet you halfway, it can be difficult to convince them to go to therapy. They may even refuse and never change their minds. If that happens, you have to evaluate whether your relationship can survive your partner’s reluctance to make efforts.