Getting your heart broken by someone you trusted and loved, someone who promised they would never hurt you, is very difficult to get over. However, it’s important to determine if there’s room in your heart for forgiveness.
Deciding you can forgive someone is one thing, actually forgiving them is very different. One of the most important things you need to understand about forgiveness is that it’s a choice you make every hour and every day. It’s not a one-time thing.
Why? Because you’re hurt and your feelings are valid, but if you want to move forward, you have to stop focusing on the past, being reminded of whatever injustices, and blaming others. Instead, focus on the future and what you want to accomplish.
To help you navigate this, here’s how to forgive someone who broke your heart in 5 steps! Keep in mind these steps will only work if you’ve made the conscious decision to forgive the person who hurt you. That’s the first and most important step.
How to Forgive Someone in 5 Steps:
1- Check your thoughts:
Given that forgiveness is a choice you need to make consistently, it’s important to check your thoughts. Whenever you find yourself dwelling on your negative emotions or what happened, change the focus to the present. Keep your thoughts positive and encouraging. Otherwise, it will be very difficult to move on.
If something is holding you back from letting go, it needs to be addressed. Maybe there’s something you want to understand about what they did or something you need from that person. You can also check our article on how to forget the past and move on after someone has done us an injustice to learn to forget, heal and move on.
Whatever it is, talk it out. Also, make a habit of asking yourself: “How does it serve me not to forgive them?” What do you gain from victimizing yourself over and over? It probably only hurt you and not them, anyway!
2- Acknowledge your feelings:
Dwelling on your feelings is one thing, but failing to acknowledge them is a big mistake. You likely feel angry, hurt, offended, confused, and even scared that it will happen again. These are feelings you must acknowledge and experience before you let them go.
Otherwise, they will overcome your entire life and you will find yourself in a deep, dark hole. It’s also not uncommon to feel shame or embarrassment when you’re trying to forgive someone.
However, if you’re giving them a second chance it is because they deserve it even if they made a mistake. If they truly regret it, you’d want them to do the same if it was the other way around.
3- Change your mindset:
Healing and forgiving both require you to change your mindset. Many people think that forgiving someone for what they did lets them off the hook. However, you shouldn’t see forgiveness as a benefit for the other person. Most importantly, forgiveness is a benefit to you.
Holding onto the pain hurts you a lot more than it hurts them. Forgiving them doesn’t mean you’re condoning their actions, it just means you’re no longer giving it power over you.
Whether you’re forgiving them to move on from them or to give the relationship another chance, remember that you’re doing it primarily for yourself.
4- Focus on today:
Your forgiveness can represent a fresh start in the relationship for both of you. Things won’t be the same after you got hurt, but that doesn’t mean they can’t be great again. To achieve that, you need to focus on today. Today is more important than any past mistakes or future goals.
This approach will make things a lot easier for you and it will help you work past the pain and anger. Instead of constantly thinking “I wish they hadn’t done that”, accept that they did and be grateful that it’s over now.
Today is a brand new day, they likely don’t have any power over you anymore and you shouldn’t spend your time crying over spilled milk. Instead, spend it building what it could be. Check this article out on how to focus on the present and practice mindfulness to help let go of the past.
5- Change the way you think about your partner:
When someone breaks your heart, they are showing you a completely different side of them. You thought you knew them and it turns out, you didn’t. Continuing to think about your partner and how they broke their heart, will only bring you pain. If you’re willing to forgive them and work on the relationship, you need to change the way you think about them.
Try not to make them the villain, but to learn to accept them and acknowledge both their positive traits and their flaws. If they are willing to work through the guilt and shame of doing that to you, it means that they are still great things about them.
They made a mistake and they might have shown you they are weak, but they’re also showing you that they can do better and learn from their mistakes.
Forgiveness will bring you freedom! Holding onto a grudge may seem like the right thing because you want to cause them pain. However, it will only hurt you more.
Once you forgive and let go, a burden will be lifted off your shoulders. Check this article out for 5 things you can never forgive in a relationship though, and it is probably better to end things and move on if one of them occurred.