If you feel as if your relationship sucks the life out of your body or that it is too emotionally draining, we’re sorry to say it’s not a healthy one. Acknowledging there’s a problem is the first step towards a solution or accepting that you need to try to fix things or even move on. Either way, you will be better off dealing with the elephant in the room rather than just ignoring it.
Healthy relationships are not free of conflict, but they don’t make you feel like you’re constantly on edge. You’re part of a team and make out half of a beautiful couple that should have the potential for a lifelong partnership and an undying friendship. That’s what being in a relationship should feel like. In other words, you’re not supposed to feel like you’re in a constant emotional battle with your significant other.
Emotionally draining relationships can be fixed, though. As long as you’re both willing to do the work, you can unlearn toxic habits together and gain healthy tools to deal with issues. But where can you start? That’s what we’re here to help you with. Here’s how to fix an emotionally draining relationship together.
5 Tips to fix an emotionally draining relationship:
1. Identify what needs improvement:
You can’t fix a problem if you have no idea what it is, so the first step is to identify what needs improvement. That’s easier said than done, though. If you’re very emotionally involved, it can be difficult to step back and look at things from an outsider’s neutral perspective. However, that’s exactly what you need to do.
Analyze your relationship with a critical mind and you will be able to determine what the underlying issue is. For example, let’s say that there’s jealousy. That’s a symptom of something worse, so what’s the cause or real problem? It could be a personal lack of self-confidence, a lack of trust in the relationship, or even having an attention-seeking partner, etc. The goal is to identify the root of the problem.
2. Reassess your joint communication skills:
The way you communicate with one another within the relationship is one of the most important things. If your joint communication skills are not working, you need to fix that together. That doesn’t only mean you have to start being more effective communicators, you also have to be more active listeners.
Communication problems are often at the center of unhealthy relationships, so it’s important to make this a priority. If you lack certain skills, work on them together. If you’ve formed bad communication habits, it’s time to correct them. If you don’t really know how to talk to each other, develop solutions together. Many available resources out there will help, but consider working together with a therapist if you need to.
3. Prioritize yourself again:
When you become too dependent on someone or when someone is too dependent on you, it’s not unusual to become emotionally drained. That’s because you lack balance and cannot provide someone with the peace that they need from within, the same way they cannot do that for you. In that case, you both could use some time apart to reconnect with yourselves.
That doesn’t mean you need to neglect the relationship, it only means that you have to work on yourselves. Perhaps, you love each other, but if you’re at a point where you feel suffocated by one another then maybe it’s time to create more space between the two of you. Focus on yourself and find a hobby to enjoy on your own, outside of the relationship.
4. Consider each other’s perspectives:
If the relationship is heading down an unhealthy path, it’s important to listen to each other. Consider each other’s perspective about the problem to understand what’s not working from both ends. Be ready to admit what you’ve done wrong and be honest about what you need to help you feel at peace.
That’s the only way that you’ll be able to fix things together. Having this kind of conversation is not easy, but you must hash things out. It will help you find common ground eventually, understand each other a lot better, and work together from this point onward to find effective solutions.
5. Start compromising again:
Being emotionally drained could be a result of a lack of balance and compromise in the relationship. For example, if you’re the only one making sacrifices all the time, it’s easy to see why that could become exhausting. Healthy relationships require reciprocity and striking a balance between what you both want. So perhaps, if you’re giving too much and receiving nothing in return it’s time to get a good dose of a little healthy selfishness.
As equal partners, you need to strive for compromise. It’s not only fair, but it will also allow you to become more connected and it will strengthen your relationship. So, have a conversation about what’s not working for you and allow your partner to say their piece too without getting defensive. Work together to find a middle ground on everything.
Working towards a healthier relationship won’t always be easy, but it’s worth it if you’re both committed to making a positive change. Making your relationship the best that it can be is not something that just happens on its own.
You need to be mindful of each other, work on your connection, acknowledge and address the issues, and overall try to do better for one another. If it’s too difficult to do it on your own, don’t hesitate to work with a counselor or a therapist that specializes in helping couples thrive.