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How to deal with a vindictive spouse during divorce?

How to deal with a vindictive spouse during divorce?

1. It’s important to remain calm!

Unfortunately, when reaching a stage in your relationship where the solution is getting a divorce; your spouse can start acting like they are your worst enemy. The worst thing you can do in this case is showing negative emotions.

You’ve probably spent all your marriage trying to show how you truly feel, and now that you don’t need to work on your relationship anymore, you can finally express yourself freely. Is this what you thought? If yes, then you’re wrong: It’s not yet the time to show or express how you truly feel to your soon-to-be ex-spouse. If your spouse decided to act vindictively during the divorce, the best thing you can do is not show them that you are vulnerable, affected, or unstable.

They probably will fight you to get what they want and, if you show them strong emotions they will be tempted to do more harm and cause you more misery. If you do, they may want to use it as a weakness on your part to have their way. 

What you need to do in these scenarios is to take a break to return to a peaceful state of mind. You also need to realize that, although you had a life together based on love, that’s not the same person in front of you anymore. While getting through your divorce with a vindictive spouse you need to put all the good memories of your marriage in a mental box and only revisit them once you finalize it. 

2. Never implicate your children:

Divorces are never a good thing, but you can make them go smoothly. If you have children, regardless of their age, you should avoid putting them in the middle of the situation. One thing is explaining to them that their parents are splitting up in a definite way, another is to let them in on all the nasty details of your fights during the divorce process. 

Children, especially small ones, can be scarred by some of the attitudes that their parents present during a divorce. Some parents talk about how their spouse is a terrible person and that the way they acted ruined their lives. If both parents have been good ones to the children, these children start getting confused about how they should feel towards them.

It puts them in a distressed and anxious state seeing their parents suffer and they feel that they should take sides to make the situation better. When you settle down on a divorce, you need to explain to your children that their relationship with you as their parent will never change. You also need to make sure that the bond your children have with your spouse remains as strong as ever as they need both parents in their lives to some extent, whether you like to admit it or not. You need to think about the well-being of your kids, otherwise, they will grow up to be anxious scarred people, and find it difficult to trust the person they are with, in a relationship.

Only when your children reach emotional maturity should you give more details about the relationship you had with your spouse and their other parent, but only if they asked and you wish to. Remember that, as vindictive as your spouse was, that had nothing to do with your kids and you shouldn’t tarnish the image they have of their parent.

3. Keep in contact with your spouse:

Some divorces are easier than others and even if your spouse decided to take the vindictive route, you shouldn’t stop speaking to them unless you are in court.

Yes, you’re hurt by their recent attitude and feel that they are in no state of mind to reason with them, but you shouldn’t avoid them entirely, especially if they seek you out. If your spouse wishes to speak to you outside of your meeting hours with your lawyers, you should always make an effort to listen to them. Plus, there are many couples that could save their marriage at the last minute, just by putting their ego to the side and having a mature conversation about a few steps were to take to be able to give the relationship another shot like: couple’s therapy, etc.

If you show a childish attitude by pouting and refusing to speak to them out of spite, because of the way they have been acting, it will give them an excuse to later claim that they tried to save what was could be saved. They may even blame you for the divorce entirely and turn the kids against you or use emotional blackmail in the future with you.

Be the better person in this scenario and listen to them, even if they don’t want to listen to you, and who knows, you might not reconcile but simply get the divorce over with, in a smoother way.

4. Think about your financial independence:

After living for so long with a person and you both have a certain lifestyle, you might have to make some adjustments once you get divorced.

If you already have a source of income that has nothing to do with your spouse, this might be a little easier. But, if you were completely dependent on them financially until this moment, you need to choose well the way you will present yourself in front of your spouse and your divorce lawyers.

You may be protected by your marriage contract financially, but if your spouse is in a vindictive state, they will try to find loopholes, so you don’t get anything. Make your stand and demand what’s rightfully yours, but without provoking them. In the end, we’re sure you would’ve thought of all this and have a plan before deciding to divorce.

Or, if you didn’t have a plan then clearly divorce might have been the only option for you to even feel sane and alive, which explains why you didn’t even care about what you get or don’t get after the divorce as long as you get to walk free, physically unharmed and healthy.

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