Many mothers are not good at apologizing when they need to. They think it’s okay not to apologize because they don’t want to seem weak or afraid of their children. Or, they just feel entitled because they’re the ones who “gave birth to them” in the end.
The world-famous excuse that mothers are the ones who gave birth to their kids is not good enough for lifelong maternal abuse. It is true that it is not just an excuse, it is a fact of life that moms are to thank for their kids’ existence and lives. However, a mother’s role doesn’t end there. Mothers are also supposed to make their offspring’s life as happy, comfortable, and beautiful as possible.
In the end, it is important for a mother to understand this and realize that it is okay to apologize for being a bad mom if she needs to. So, here are a few steps to apologize for being a bad mom.
4 Steps to apologize for being a bad mom:
1- Never ignore your mistakes:
The first thing you need to do is acknowledge the mistake that you made and then apologise for it. You cannot simply ignore your mistakes or try to cover them up with silly excuses like: “I am your mom, in the end”, as this will only make your child feel bad and portray you as a strict and rigid parent.
When you make a mistake and your child takes offense, try to not minimise the importance of their feelings. Try not to act like nothing has happened, nor to laugh it off and act like it doesn’t matter much. If your child got offended or hurt, it will be easier and smarter to let them know that their feelings are valid.
Then, give them space and time to calm down and come to their senses, in private. Don’t try to argue and confront them more, while they’re still upset, especilly if you already know you’re to blame for whatever happened.
2- Take accountability:
It is important to take accountability for your actions and apologize for the mistakes you have made. But how do you do that without sounding like you explain yourself and life decisions or choices, to your kid?
You need to explain clearly what you did that was wrong and that you understand now that you shouldn’t have done it, without necessarily having to explain why or the cause that pushed you to act that way.
It’s important that you admit that you messed up and show your child that you are willing to change. You should also assure them that they are not the problem, but rather your behavior was.
If your child loves you and if you have been a good mother up until this point, then they’ll probably not want to see you feel guilty and bad for long, they’d probably interrupt you to say that it’s fine. Or, they may run into your arms and stop it all, so that you don’t have to suffer more or feel down. Children can be very compassionate and loving, by nature.
3- Listen to what your child has to say:
It’s important that you listen carefully to what your child has to say. Not only that, but take time out of your day to really think about what your child has said. This will make it easier for you and your child to communicate, have less arguments and bond more.
Try to find out what it was that made your child feel like they were being neglected or hurt by your words or actions, and do your best to avoid it in the future. Also, this could teach you a lot about your child’s personality, what they like and don’t like or what they prioritise and don’t. If you listen carefully, it could also bring up something hurtful you may have done repetitively in the past, without being aware that it frustrate them.
4- Tell them you love them:
The fourth step is to tell your child that you love them and care about them deeply. This will help your child understand that they are appreciated, cared for and loved even if they are not the centre of attention all the time.
If your child is open to it, hug them and show affection. This will make your child understand that you are sorry and they will be more likely to forgive you.
Taking these steps will not make you a regular mom, it will make you a supermom. It will make you a mother that is close to her children, understands their needs, is their best friend and that they put first and on top of the entire world. If you feel you need more guidance, then check our article on how to be a good mother.
Or, if you yourself didn’t have the best mother and catch yourself thinking about how you can forgive and rebuild with a mother that has been toxic then check this article out.