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How often should I visit my parents after marriage?

How often should I visit my parents after marriage?

After you get married, it’s important to stay in touch with your parents. How often you visit them is up to you and your partner, but try to make it at least a few times a year. Once a year is a good minimum, even if you live in different countries. If they just live far away, then you can consider planning a longer visit once or twice a year.

In the end, you can’t just pluck a number out of thin air and decide that it’s the sacred number of visits that you should pay your parents monthly or weekly. This may only lead to arguments and conflicts with your newlywed partner.

So before you make this decision here are a few factors that you and your partner need to discuss before you reach an agreement that is suitable for the both of you.

Obviously, you can go visit your parents alone too, outside of these rules; if you just miss them or want to pay them a quick visit without putting expectations or duties on your other half.

Things to consider when making the decision:

1- How many times you’ll meet your in-laws:

Obviously, you and your partner can only be at one place at a time so you have to decide which in-laws get to see you the most. Or, if you want to be fair then you’ll have to give both: your parents and your partner’s parents the same amount of visits, on a monthly or yearly basis.

In the end, you cannot expect your partner to jump in the car and drive to your parents often when they barely even see their own. You cannot expect them to sacrifice seeing their parents either, just to still have some quality time with you and see yours.

2- How much time you have left for your own dates and enjoyment:

Clearly, some working couples might not be so keen on offering every weekend they ever get to their parents or in-laws. If you and your partner are both working and you only get weekends to go out and enjoy life; then it might be cruel to expect your partner to show up at the door with a smile and drive to your parents’ every week.

Maybe they’d prefer to plan things out with you and go places or do activities with you instead because it’s you they have married in the end. So if the two of you work and only get weekends for enjoyment then visiting your in-laws and parents once a month or every other weekend at most, should be more than enough.

We’re not even talking about working couples that don’t have the same schedule and days off here. This type of couple will find it even more difficult to ever get one full day with one another, so it’s crazy to want to go to the parents during that once-in-a-blue-moon day off.

3- How often do you call your parents for a chat:

Obviously, if your parents are video-calling you every day for at least five minutes to see their little grandchildren; then it’s not like they’re missing out on much. Visiting them in person can wait in this case, as long as you make an effort to stay in touch or call them every single day and see how they’re doing.

You may be the type to stay in touch via phone or video call on a regular basis with them. In this case, you know that they’re doing well and don’t need anything from you. So visiting them will only ever be to see them in person, as you keep yourself up-to-date with their news anyway through technology.

In this scenario, when you do visit, maybe once in a month or less; it will only be to take the opportunity to spend more time together, in person. And, this is why it matters so much that you call them more often, even if you’re busy with your own life.

A call can be done quickly and will mean so much to them. Find the time to listen to your parents and learn about their lives on the go and it will become an easy habit.

By making an effort to stay connected, you can deepen your relationship with your parents and strengthen the bond between you, even if you’re too busy to visit as many times as you would’ve wanted.

4- How well do they get along with your spouse:

If your parents are the type to be shamelessly evil and rude for no reason to your significant other, then obviously visiting them often as a couple can put a strain on the marriage. So if going as a couple to visit your parents is literally a painful chore for the love of your life, then you might want to consider this as an important factor; when deciding how often you want to visit.

After you get married, it’s often tough to figure out how to divide your time between your spouse and your parents. If you’re close with your parents, you might feel like you should be visiting them more often, but if they don’t get along with your spouse it can be tough to find the right balance.

In general, it’s a good idea to visit your parents at least a few times a year, even if it’s just for a quick weekend trip. And, you can try to call them more often instead and put your partner on the phone too from time to time; so that tension doesn’t build up.

In the end, you might find that you need to visit more often if you’re trying to help them out with something or stay involved in their lives. So if they were kinder and welcoming to your spouse from the start, this could be easier and possible. If not, then you’ll have to find the right balance together as a couple.

Ultimately, it’s up to you to decide how often you visit your parents after marriage, but try to strike a balance that works for everyone.

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