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How many dates before inviting him over?

How many dates before inviting him over?

When it comes to dating, a lot of women wonder how many dates they should have with a guy before inviting him over. Unfortunately, no one can answer that question for you.

Deciding when to invite a guy into your home is a very personal decision and it also depends on the guy and how things have been going between you. 

However, there are still several “rules” about the minimum criteria you need to go through before you invite a guy over. This will ensure you don’t come across as too eager or desperate or easy to conquer. So let’s dive in and see what is the list of boxes that a new beau needs to have ticked before you can open your home doors to him.

The 3 Dates Rule:

The 3-date rule is exactly what it sounds like. It means you wait to have 3 dates before inviting a guy over. The idea behind it is that you get to know each other a bit after 3 dates and you establish a certain level of trust instead of just jumping into bed right away. Mind you, there’s nothing wrong with doing the latter, but if you’re looking for a lasting and serious relationship, then it may not be the best route to take.

However, this rule has created a problematic perception. If you don’t wait for at least 3 dates, then you’re too eager. If the guy doesn’t wait for 3 dates too, he’s just a player. In some cases, men are indeed players or just trying to have fun. Especially when they let you hear what you want just to get in your pants. But, let’s not put everyone in the same basket.

In some rare cases, jumping straight to bed or skipping a few steps just means that you find each other physically irresistible and you want to enjoy that aspect of your bond sooner. That can be okay if you’re both careful not to stay focused on that alone and quickly lose interest in everything else once you already get the reward that is usually kept for the end.

So this means if you can control yourself or say “no” to any move the guy makes on you so early, then you can invite him over sooner. Unfortunately, being in the privacy of your home with someone new that you find attractive and interesting usually means that things may get spicy quickly. So be careful to not fall into that trap.

But, again if you want to play it safe or give the relationship higher chances of lasting longer; then abstain from inviting him over before at least 3 wonderful dates in public. You don’t have to force yourself to go on exactly 3 dates. It could even be 4. Just go with the flow! And, if there’s no emotional chemistry, it’s okay to just have fun during the dates and go your separate ways before you even get there. 

The 5 Dates Rule:

The 5-date rule is just like the 3-date rule, except you wait for 5 or even 6 dates instead of 3. This gives you a bit more time to get to know the guy and decide if you want to take that next step with him.

This is a rule that’s often used when you are genuinely interested in having a relationship with this guy and you want him to know you’re serious about it. So make sure you don’t count any little 5 minutes quick meeting to say hi as a date. It really should be at least 5 full wonderful dates.

You’re not just looking for a good time, you’re looking for something real and you’re analyzing whether he’s the right guy. 5 dates are not enough to get to know a guy deeply, but it’s enough to see if you’re both on the same page. There’s a lot you can discuss over 5 dates, such as what he’s looking for in a relationship, what kind of plans he has for the future, and what things you have in common. 

The 10 Dates Rule:

Last but not least, we have the 10-date rule for the more cautious cats out there. We can perceive this rule as the big and wiser sister of the previous rules and it consists of having 10 dates before you invite a guy over. The rule is based on the belief that if a man is interested in you in the same way you’re interested in him, he will have at least 10 dates with you. 

They’re good dates, too! You have deep conversations and you start building an emotional connection. 10 dates are enough time to get to know a guy fairly well and it’s more than enough to know whether you’re on the same page or not. If a guy is truly looking for a relationship, he won’t want to rush things. 

He will want to take his time getting to know you because he wants to make sure that he’s finally found what he’s been looking for. 10 dates give you plenty of time to verify your compatibility level as a couple, open up to one another, and investigate each other’s true intentions.

Players might be willing to go on 10 dates too, but the dates won’t have substance and they will give you no butterflies because they’re on a deadline and just there to complete the mission. 


It’s important to note that these rules have been invented as a way to deter players. The drawback is that players go to great lengths to get what they want. They love to play so they don’t have a problem playing the long game.

What we mean to say is that if a guy wants to leave after getting what he wants, he will leave whether you invite him over on the first or twentieth date. If a guy wants to stay, he will stay for you and it won’t matter when you invite him over. 

We recommend you decide how many dates before inviting him over based on what you want out of the relationship and how much you want him to do and prove himself before you allow such a thing. If you just dating to have fun, don’t wait too long. If you want to get to know him better because you want something more serious, take your time with it and see how compatible you are. If he can’t wait or respect your wishes, then he isn’t for you. 

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