As humans, we are a little bit obsessed with timelines. That might have to do with the fact that our time on earth is limited, so we feel like we need to know exactly how much time things will take us.
Also, certain things in life are too exciting to wait for. Getting to know someone to determine if they’re your soulmate is one of those things. However, that takes time.
How long it takes to get to know someone depends on many different factors, such as how often you meet, how long your conversations are, how many questions you ask each other, how many experiences you have together, and more.
1) How Long Does It Take to Get to Know Someone?
On average, it can take 2 to 3 months to get to know someone new at a base level. At that point, you’ll know whether that person is someone you want in your life so you can continue getting to know them. Assuming that you’ve been hanging out very often, having deep conversations, getting to know what their values, priorities, and personality look like, etc.
If you’re dating, the 2 to 3-month milestone is the point where you start to wonder if your relationship can get more serious. Usually, that’s when you can have “the talk” and define things.
If we’re talking about getting to know someone deeply, it will take a lot longer than a few months. Some people might have known you your whole life but they may not know your favorite cuisine or type of dish, for instance. That’s because it’s not just about how much time you spend together, it’s about the quality of your interactions.
Additionally, getting to know someone doesn’t really have a deadline. People are constantly growing and changing, so you’ll always discover new things about the people in your life as time passes, as they grow and change, and as you spend more years in each other’s lives. Whether they’re your parents, partner, friends, colleagues, etc.
2) Tips to Get to Know Someone Better and Faster:
Though getting to know someone may take a long time, there are ways to speed up the process. If you’re excited about someone and you can’t wait to know everything about them, there are two very important things you should do.
1- Pay Attention to Them
This one may seem obvious, but sometimes we take people for granted. This is one of the main reasons why we may not know everything about people we’ve known for years.
When you’re trying to get to know someone, it’s easy to miss things. That’s why it’s important to practice active listening and also pay attention to the way they behave or act in different settings.
This is a great way to notice the red flags too. For example, it’s easy for someone to be impressive and on their best behavior when you’re their only audience. That’s why it’s a good idea to introduce them to your friends and family and to get introduced to theirs, to see how they interact with different people.
Additionally, social media is a great way to get an insight into certain things. Of course, no one is 100% authentic online, but you can learn a lot about a person by paying attention to the things they post, what they like to make public about themselves, and their motives behind wanting to publicly share a specific type of information.
2- Ask Tons of Questions:
You can’t expect people to randomly tell you things about themselves. Sometimes they do, but asking questions is also key to getting to know someone. So, whenever you spend time with that person, don’t be afraid to interview them a little.
This is how the best conversations get started. Even if the questions seem cheesy, don’t hesitate to ask them. You can be as superficial or as deep as you’d like with your questions, but be ready to be as open with them in return as you’re expecting them to be.
We recommend you start with easy questions to get a baseline about that person. Such as what’s their dream vacation? What hobby do they enjoy most? Etc. Once you’ve been talking for a while, you can ask more intense questions.
Also, don’t forget about making follow-up questions whenever you’re talking about a particular topic. Generally speaking, asking questions is a great way to determine if you’re compatible and if your values/mindsets align, which is very important. And, of course, all of this goes hand in hand with the assumption that the other person is not lying or has no reason to do so.
3) You can never know all sides of a person, anyway:
How long it will take you to get to know someone is very difficult to determine because every individual is different. Not everyone is an open book, so some people take longer to get to know than others. Additionally, every relationship is different.
For example, you may not know your mom the same way you know your dad. And, even if you tried forever you probably will never know some sides of her that only your father, who is her partner or has been for years, will know of her. So it also depends on the nature of the relationship you have with a person.
And it will all still differ greatly even when you have the same roles in someone’s life. For example, the idea and opinion you have on one of your friends is not the exact same idea a common friend of yours has of them. That’s because you’ve shared different experiences with each of them.
Sometimes, focusing on how long it will take to know someone is not more important than focusing on how you’ll get to know them. The latter is what truly makes a difference! So check out our article on how to never run out of things to say, if you plan on spending a lot of time getting to know someone, soon!
So, focus on having good quality time with that person, share different experiences, and follow the tips above to make the most of your conversations. If you only ever attack a person indirectly, make passive-aggressive comments, or make them see how much you dislike them from the get-go, then you may only ever get to know the ugliest version of their personality anyway, and vice-versa.