Yes, you can indeed learn to love someone who you find unattractive over time. Beauty isn’t the only factor that attracts people to one another, otherwise, people who are considered to be very attractive would never stay single and people who are considered to be unattractive would never be in a relationship. People see beauty in many ways, not only in the physical body.
Some people find it very attractive when someone is charming or confident. Others feel attracted to people who have a caring and loving nature, and none of these attributes relates to physical beauty. So, if you are dating someone who you have deemed to not be very attractive according to your standards, know that you can learn to change your opinion. Keep reading to find out how.
4 steps to learn to love someone you find unattractive:
1) You will have to be yourself and focus on the relationship in general:
Think of it this way, to have a healthy and fulfilling relationship you can’t rely on looks alone. You need to learn to love all the other traits of your partner so you can build a relationship with them.
You have probably heard people say that since looks fade with time, your relationship will have to be stronger than physical attraction to last. That’s why you will have to put to truly know the person you’re dating, despite not finding it very attractive, to begin with.
Whether your relationship is very physical from the beginning or you are taking it slow, it’s important to do activities together so you can learn about each other’s interests and views on different matters. You will find that intellectual compatibility is essential if you want to create a strong bond between the two.
2) See if you share the same hobbies, likes, and favorites:
Another thing you can do is watch your favorite movies and tv shows together and ask them what are the ones they love too. Do this for books if you both like reading. By doing this you can have a quick idea about what their interests are and consequently what type of personality they have.
Share with them the things you like to do during your free time and invite them to join you for fun activities and hobbies. In turn, you can ask them about things they like doing and manifest an interest in sharing that experience with them.
Without realizing it, that person will become the first that comes to mind when you want someone to keep you company or when you have an activity planned. They could also become simply someone you like being with even when you don’t feel like doing anything in particular. Your relationship will become stronger and you will start finding it hard to imagine your life without them.
3) You will slowly start finding beauty in them, over time:
Have you ever had a friend who started dating someone and you couldn’t see why they were interested in that person, but they seem very happy together? That’s because their tastes regarding people to date are different from yours, which means that the feelings we have for someone play a big part in how much we feel attracted to someone regardless of their appearance.
The point of this is not to give every random person a chance and learn to know them more despite not finding them attractive. The point is that sometimes we get close to someone and before we even know it we find ourselves finding their personality or actions cute and then attractive and then irresistible.
As much as you would like to believe it, love, at first sight, is not as common as people think it is, which means that you need to invest emotionally in the relationship to develop deeper feelings that will eventually last a lifetime. It’s when you love someone that you start cherishing every trait and quirk that person has. Soon after that, the things you like about them will pile up and it will make them seem attractive in your eyes.
4) Focus on enjoying the present moment:
We’ve established that it’s only through a strong bond between you two and having a healthy relationship that you can truly love your partner. But how do you get to that point? The first thing you need to have in mind is to enjoy your relationship as it is.
Perhaps you are too focused on the fact that you find that person unattractive and overthink whether or not you should still be with them. You will have to make an effort in putting those doubts aside and simply enjoy their company, the things you do together, and how good it makes you feel being in that relationship.
To do this you will have to focus on other things that bring joy to you and find the positives about them. Practice breathing exercises if you start feeling anxious and avoid thinking about the future of your relationship, at least for now.
It’s when you are relaxed and at ease with your partner that you can give your full contribution to the relationship, and receive from them as well. It will allow you to have a clear mind and truly appreciate the fact that you are with that person. If you keep doing this, your opinion about that person’s looks may end up changing and you will start loving them.