We try to force people to love us when we are not confident or sure about our own self-worth. We want to be loved for who we are, but we also want to be loved at all costs. For this reason, sometimes we don’t have the patience to find that one person that will naturally find us mesmerizing and fascinating. So we pick the wrong person and start a pointless pursuit and chase to try to force them to feel a specific way about us.
Yes, there’s no harm in trying your luck and wanting to make someone fall in love with you, check out this article later for more on how to do that. And, you can go as far as telling the person how you feel, how much you love them, and not missing out on any chance to be with them. Check out this article later on why it is important to tell someone if you love them.
However, what you cannot do is be persistent with trying to force someone to love you or be with you, over months and years of them being reluctant and refusing to. And, here are a few reasons why this will never work and only has chances of backfiring.
Why you should never force someone to love you:
1- The heart wants what it wants:
People cannot control who they will find irresistibly attractive physically and mentally, or who will be compatible with them. It just happens naturally and spontaneously.
For this reason, in most cases, many couples don’t have a lot to say about who they will fall for and end up with. Maybe a person can find someone attractive, good-looking, or fitting the physical criteria to qualify for what they call “their type”. However, love goes beyond physical attraction alone and there are many other aspects involved in making a person fall head over heels over a specific someone.
For this reason, it is important to remember that if people find it hard to even pick for themselves who they will end up with, how can another person pick for them? This is to say you can’t pick yourself as the person that a specific someone will fall in love with because they themselves have little control over who they will end up naturally falling for.
Check out our article later on arranged marriages and whether they are worth it in today’s world. Arranged marriages are a good example where someone else picks who a specific person should fall in love with.
2- They will pretend for life:
This is another reason why love is not a feeling that can be forced. It is something that has to be felt. Chances are the more you try to force someone to love or be with you, using different means to pressurize them, the more they will be forced to pretend to love you when they don’t.
Indeed, if you try to force someone into loving you, it is possible that they are going to end up pretending and making it seem like they do. They might even pretend for a long time, but eventually, the truth will come out and it will all go downhill from there or cause a lot of harm to everyone involved.
Even if the truth never does come out, then they will be living miserable, sad, and tired of having to pretend every day.
3- They will resent you over time:
It is natural that the more you try to make someone be with you, force them, and put them in a position where they have no choice but to accept it, the more they will resent you. Just because you have succeeded in finding a way to bribe someone into being with you or put pressure on them in some way, doesn’t mean they will do it happily.
When you try to make someone be with you and pretend to love you for the wrong reasons, then they might be feeling oppressed, cornered, and obliged to play that role. This will naturally result in building feelings of resentment and disgust for you. That’s because love is a powerful, pleasurable, and beautiful feeling that cannot be born from negativity and violence.
4- They already decided you’re not suitable:
When someone has decided you’re not their cup of tea, or not for them, then most often than not; it means they will not change their mind about it. They have already analyzed everything about you and took their time to decide that a romantic relationship with you was not gonna happen.
In most cases, when someone has already mentally categorized you as “not suitable” for a romantic or physical relationship with them, nothing can make them change their mind. In fact, they’ll probably find it funny, insulting, or “cringey” to even picture such a thing.
5- The harder you try the more they’ll be uncomfortable:
This is where the idea of “trying too hard” comes into play. When we try too hard to force someone into feeling something that they don’t; we only end up pushing them away from us instead of bringing them closer. It’s important that we allow people the space they need and give them time if they’re unsure about their feelings.
This is a phenomenon that has been observed in the dating world by many. When someone forces another person to like them or tries too often, that person will react negatively and become even less attracted to them.
This is because the person who is being forced feels like they are not free to make their own decision about whether or not they want to be with the person in question. So other feelings like fear, stress, and anxiety get involved and end up pushing them away further.
6- They will find it hard to resist cheating on you:
There are a number of reasons why someone would cheat on their partner. Obviously, nothing can excuse or forgive such an act. Check out this article later, for a list of things that can never be forgiven in a relationship. However, sometimes and very rarely the person who has been cheated on is to blame partly for it.
And, that’s only when they have forced that person to be with them in the first place. For instance, if they have used methods that are not the best to make the other person feel like they have to pretend to love them or pressurized to be with them then they can get cheated on.
That’s because that person has not been given the chance or luxury of choosing a partner for themselves. So it’s highly probable that they will be prone to cheating or succumbing to temptation when it presents itself.
7- You will miss your chance at finding true reciprocated love:
Even if you succeed at forcing someone to love you or to pretend that they do because you’ll have no guarantee about whether or not they’re lying, then you still will not be content. That’s because your way of finding love was not the best. So deep inside, you know that by being with such a person you’re wasting time being taken when you could be imposing yourself on your partner.
This way you miss your chance at finding real reciprocated true love that happens naturally and spontaneously, that doesn’t need forcing nor is it conditional.
8- You will waste your time and theirs:
People who try to force someone to love them are actually just hurting themselves in the process. They are trying so hard to get this other person in their life and it is just a waste of time and energy for both parties involved.
That’s because, in the end, they might end up having lived in a lie of their choosing and sentencing someone to do the same. Time is precious. Every day that passes is a day that will never be recovered again. Nothing we can do can make our age go lower or stop at a specific point. We are all aging by the day and the minute.
So to spend some time in a bad situation or forcing others to do something they don’t want is time that we wasted permanently off their lives and ours and that will never be retrieved even when we or they come to their senses and leave. In the end, you can check this article to see whether or not a one-sided relationship or love story can work.