When you start dating someone new, it’s only natural to wonder about their past relationships. However, it’s important to be respectful of your partner’s privacy and not to pry too much. But what do you do when you’re in the following situation:
It’s been months or even years since your boyfriend and his previous ex broke up, but his ex is still calling him non-stop, showing up at his job, and sending him threatening texts. You’ve tried talking to her, reasoning with her, and even pleading with her, but nothing seems to work.
She continues to call and show up unannounced. She’s totally obsessed with your boyfriend and she just won’t let go. The situation is starting to take a toll on your mental health and you’re not sure what to do. Sound like a familiar scenario? If yes, rest assured in this article we will provide you with 5 proven steps to get rid of your boyfriend’s obsessed ex-girlfriend.
What to do when your boyfriend’s ex-girlfriend is still obsessed with him:
1) Tell your boyfriend to take control:
As obvious as it sounds, start by talking to your boyfriend about the issue. It’s important that he is aware of what is going on and how it makes you feel. You could just be bottling all these feelings inside and he may be taking everything lightly and not realising how much this is affecting you. Communication is key here. Tell him that you’re uncomfortable with the amount of contact his ex is having with him.
If he doesn’t take steps to reduce the contact, then you may need to take a firmer approach. Check this article out later on how to put your foot down in a relationship. It’s important that he takes responsibility for his past relationship and takes steps to protect you from her harassment.
Tell him firmly but politely that he needs to take action to confront his ex and set boundaries. If necessary, you can offer to help him communicate with her. But ultimately, it’s up to him to take control of the situation and put a stop to her obsession. Sometimes men may overlook these matters, they may even enjoy the attention they are receiving.
However, his ex will only truly realise it’s over and she has no chance whatsoever with him if he is assertive with her, making it crystal clear to leave him and you alone. Being polite and overlooking her obsessive behaviour may encourage her to continue this behaviour.
2) Talk to her:
If you’re in a relationship with a guy who has an obsessed ex-girlfriend, it can be difficult to know how to deal with the situation. After all, you don’t want to come across as threatening or jealous. However, it is important to stand up for yourself and make it clear that you will not tolerate her behaviour.
The best way to do this is to talk to her yourself. The first thing you need to do is be firm with her. Explain that you are in love with him and that he is over her. Tell her that you will not tolerate her behaviour and that she needs to stop contacting him. Sometimes, coming face to face with your boyfriend’s ex becomes necessary.
It can make his ex feel like you are not just a pushover and that you will stand up for yourself and your relationship. This may just be the wake-up call his ex needs; hearing that you and your boyfriend are in love and will stand by one another no matter what! So, it may intimidate her and push her to open her eyes to the reality that there is no hope for her obsession.
3) Change your phone number and block her on all social media platforms:
Every now and then you will come across a crazy ex, whose obsession is represented tenfold through the use of repeated phone calls, text messages and contact through social media platforms such as Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat etc. Unfortunately, this is a common modern dating problem when dealing with an obsessed ex. But, the good news is that there is a solution.
The first step is to sit down with your boyfriend and have a serious talk about the situation. It’s important that he is on board with what you’re about to do, as it will require some cooperation from him. Once you’ve discussed the situation and come up with a plan, the next step is to take away her power. Change your boyfriend’s and your phone numbers and block her on all your social media platforms.
This will stop her from being able to contact you both directly and make it much more difficult for her to keep tabs on your whereabouts. It will send her a clear message that he’s not interested in rekindling their relationship. You should also avoid going to any places that she knows about or that she frequents too.
By taking these measures, you can help to reduce her ability to harass and stalk you, and hopefully put an end to her obsession.
4) Focus on your relationship with your boyfriend:
In these stressful toxic situations created by your boyfriend’s ex, it can be easy to neglect your own relationship. It’s important to remember that you’re not the only person in the world who has an ex and that you shouldn’t let the ex control your life. Yes, It can be tempting to spend all your time trying to figure out what they’re up to so you can dodge their next move.
You can even spend your entire time questioning why they won’t just go away, but at the end of the day, the only person you can truly control is yourself. The best thing you can do is focus on your own relationship and spend time with your partner. Realise and rekindle what it is about each other that makes you love one another and worth withstanding anything.
Make sure you’re taking the time to really listen to each other and connect on a deeper level. It’s also important to keep communicating your feelings and boundaries to each other. This way, you can continue to build a strong foundation for your relationship that will be able to weather any storm.
And if worse comes to worst, you’ll know you have each other’s support no matter what. At the end of the day it’s the ex who is hoping for your relationship to fall apart and be fragile, however, do not let them succeed; prove them wrong and show your relationship is strong and can withstand these trials and tribulations.
5) Get a restraining order:
If you’ve tried reasoning with your boyfriend’s ex and failed in all the above steps, then it might be time for the final resort. Getting a restraining order. This will require getting the authorities involved, but if all else fails, it may be your only recourse. In this case, the first step is to file a police report.
Be sure to document any and all incidents of harassment, including text messages, emails, and phone calls. Once you have a police report, you can file for a restraining order in civil court. A judge will then decide whether or not to grant the order, which will forbid the ex from having any contact with you.
This will also legally require them to stay a certain distance away from you and your boyfriend. If she violates this order, she can be arrested and fined. Whilst getting a restraining order is certainly a last resort, it may be necessary to protect yourself from an obsessed ex. It may seem like many steps to get the restraining order in place nevertheless, in the long run, it may be well worth it, especially if the obsessed ex is relentless in her pursuit and has made your life a living nightmare.
You definitely should not be dealing with this all alone; get help and get the authorities involved, if it’s what it takes. Alas, it will then be someone else’s responsibility and duty to intervene and protect you and your boyfriend’s privacy; rather than taking on all this burden on your own and suffering.
The Bottom Line:
No one deserves to be repeatedly harassed and disrespected, especially by an ex-boyfriend’s new girlfriend. If you find yourself in this situation, then please use the above-proven steps. You will gain peace and freedom. Your relationship and life will change for the better!
It may seem daunting at the start. But It is important to remember that you are worth the effort and that the situation will eventually improve. Don’t forget that silently suffering is not the solution. If you don’t take things into your own hands and stand up for yourself then your situation will not change.
Taking action may require some short-term discomfort, but it is always ultimately worth it for your peace of mind and safety. Good Luck!