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5 steps to get an avoidant to commit to you

5 steps to get an avoidant to commit to you

Have you ever been with someone who can’t seem to make a commitment, no matter how hard you try? If so, then you’re probably dealing with an avoidant. This is especially true if you’re also having a hard time finding and spending time with this person even though you’d swear that they care about you deeply. They’ll just probably have several different excuses for “why they can’t make it”, almost every time you try to plan an outing together.

Ah, the elusive avoidant: a rare species that is extremely hard to pin down. For many, catching an avoidant can be like playing the old game of Whack-a-Mole. As soon as you think you have them cornered and are getting familiar, they’ll be gone in a flash and pop up somewhere else entirely. Avoidants tend to be emotionally distant; even if they form relationships or friendships, it can feel like you’re talking to a brick wall at times!

So if all these descriptions remind you of that one specific person you’d like to get a commitment out of, then stick around. It’s true that avoidants are people who have difficulty forming attachments and tend to pull away from relationships even when they care deeply about their partner. But don’t worry; there are ways to get them to commit! Here are five steps that can help.

What is an avoidant?

Avoidants are an enigma. On the one hand, they probably want to have a strong connection and intimacy with another person, while on the other hand, they’re scared to death doing what it takes to get there. Avoidants may feel lonely and needy but they just can’t bring themselves to reach out to others because of their intense fear of being judged or rejected.

Of course, this isn’t always the case and some may just display their avoidance behavior from time to time. If you ever think you see one of these special creatures, maybe try just waving to them from afar; and don’t count on having too much success trapping one for life! We’re joking! Of course, you can get one to commit; despite seeming like a hard nut to crack; avoidants can be passionate and loving partners. That’s because they find it hard to trust and let their walls down at first, but once they do; they’ll put that person first and make their entire world revolve around them!

We’re not saying that it will be easy as avoidants may even struggle to connect with the people who want them to open up the most. However, if you know someone like this, having patience, understanding, and kindness goes a long way in helping them get out of their shell of emotional self-protection.

How to get an avoidant to commit in 5 steps?

1. Be Patient:

It’s important to be patient with an avoidant partner, as it will take time for them to learn how to form secure attachments and trust in a relationship. While taking things slow is hard for many of us, it’s necessary for an avoidant partner, so they don’t feel overwhelmed or trapped in the relationship.

For this reason, a key rule here is to set realistic expectations and remind yourself that progress may be slow, especially because this type of person isn’t particularly good when it comes to commitment. So make sure you respect their need for space and don’t make too many demands too soon. What you can do instead is to let them know that you are there for them when they need support and let them set their own timeline along the way.

Of course, the road ahead may be long and winding, but sticking with it, persevering, and having patience are important. This way you’ll stand a chance to eventually strike a sense of commitment out of an avoidant individual.

2. Respect Personal Space and Boundaries:

An avoidant is likely used to having their own space and freedom, so it’s important not to push them into a situation where they feel uncomfortable or threatened. Give your partner the space they need and respect any boundaries they set up. Once they start feeling more relaxed and secure around you, you’ll find that your bond starts deepening naturally rather than feeling forced or rushed.

The point here is to be prepared to give them the space and freedom they need and not to push them beyond their comfort zone. It’s true that it’s much easier said than done; getting someone who guards their independence so closely to settle down might seem like a tall task, but a little patience and space can go a long way!

That being said, if you have your heart set on getting an avoidant to commit, you’ll have to find the right balance between meeting them often, being them for them, and not making them too suffocated either.

3. Show Appreciation and Genuine Interest in Them:

An avoidant might struggle with expressing themselves openly, but they still need love and appreciation just like anyone else! That’s why the third step on our list is to show genuine interest in your avoidant partner by asking questions about their likes and preferences in every situation to make them feel in control. This will not only make them feel valued and appreciated by you, but it will also go a long way toward building trust between the two of you over time.

Keeping an eye on your avoidant partner when you’re both with a group of people, certainly isn’t a bad idea either! Whether you do it by maintaining visual contact to be ready to help if they start feeling uncomfortable or you simply ask them occasionally if they’re having a good time; your efforts won’t go unnoticed. Group outings and gatherings are definitely not an avoidant strong suit, so staying vigilant and attentive to your partner during similar moments can do wonders!

Anything that helps them feel comfortable and more certain may do the trick. This can be tricky though; as with any relationship, balance is key; too much attention and things go off the rails, but not enough could mean your attempts are unsuccessful. At the end of the day, make sure they feel comfortable around you, whatever method you choose.

4. Be Honest and Open About Your Feelings for Them to Build Trust:

Avoidants often fear being judged or rejected if they open up about their feelings, so it’s important that you let them know that it’s safe for them to do so with you, by being honest about your own feelings first. Letting your partner know that it’s okay for them to express themselves honestly will help foster mutual trust between you two!

So again what you need here is to show immense patience, as well as the ability to be honest and open about your feelings for them. Be prepared for it to be a slow process that ebbs and flows over time. However, by continuously taking small steps that involve being forthright and attentive towards them, they may mirror your attention one day, and open up to you about their feelings too.

In other words what you want to do is to be persistent, especially as it will show that you’re willing to stay committed for the long haul. And, of course, you’ll have to simply jump over any potential roadblocks you may encounter on your journey together.

5. Don’t Pressure Them Into Making a Commitment Too Soon:

Finally, let us repeat that patience is key when dealing with an avoidant person. This also means that pressuring them into making a commitment before they’re ready could cause everything to backfire sooner and before you get somewhere meaningful together! So don’t go pressuring an avoidant to commit right away!

All you have to do is make your feelings and intentions of commitment clear so that there’s no confusion around them and then let your avoidant partner come to you when they’re ready. It might appear counterintuitive or like it may take forever, but trust us, this rule works! Expecting too much too fast will only ruin your progress.

Instead, give them time and space to breathe and let them feel in control of the relationships, by putting the ball in their court and letting them make their move whenever they want. This is surely the best way to get them to feel the comfort and security they are searching for. Trying to push them into making a commitment before they are ready, can be intimidating for someone who loves their independence and autonomy. Eventually, with the right steps, you may find your avoidant partner is ready to commit in their own due time!


Dealing with an avoidant person can be difficult at times but if handled correctly, it can also lead to amazing results!

With patience, understanding, honesty, and respect; it is possible for both parties involved in the relationship to benefit from each other without any pressure or fear of rejection involved on either end! All it takes is some effort on both sides, but once both of you start trusting each other more deeply over time, commitment will follow and the reward will be totally worth it! Keep in mind that many people fear commitment, not just avoidant and that’s something you have to deal with in a smart way.

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