If you feel you have been acting so mean to your boyfriend for no reason, then it can be saddening. You probably feel bad, guilty, horrible, and remorseful in this scenario of life. You don’t know what to do because you feel it’s an unconscious type of reflex and you just cannot help but become upset and mean to him for no apparent reason.
You might want to change but don’t know where to start. You may even try to be nicer to him but it doesn’t seem to help. You eventually end up being horrible over and over again. You don’t want to break up with him but don’t want to keep treating someone you love so and overpowering him unjustly.
You know he lets you because he loves you, but you also worry that he may develop resentment for you, due to this type of behavior. In other words, you feel like you’re losing control. But, we’re here to help and in today’s article, we’ll give you a few possible explanations for this type of action so you can work on fixing the situation.
6 explanations to why you’re so mean to your boyfriend for no reason:
1- You’re not over something that you blame him for:
You’re not sure why you do it, but lately, you’ve been taking your frustrations out on your boyfriend. You snap at him over little things, you give him the silent treatment, and you find yourself constantly picking fights. The thing is, you’re not even mad at him. You’re mad at yourself.
You’re not over something that he did, something that hurt you deeply. And even though he’s apologized and done everything he can to make it up to you, you can’t seem to let it go. As a result, you’re taking your anger out on him in an unconscious attempt to punish him. You know it’s not fair, but you can’t seem to help it.
Hopefully, with time and patience, you’ll be able to work through this and get back to a place where you can trust and forgive him, and most importantly, forgive yourself for acting so bitter and spiteful right now.
2- He has a flaw you cannot stand:
You’ve been with your boyfriend for a while now, and things are going great. He’s handsome, smart, and funny. He treats you well and makes you happy. But there’s one thing that bothers you about him: he has a flaw that you just can’t stand. It’s not a big deal, but it drives you secretly crazy. And for some reason, you find yourself being unconsciously mean to him because of it.
That’s a very possible scenario trust us! If you don’t know why you do it, but it’s like you can’t help but be mean to your boyfriend then it can be because of a physical flaw or even a tic he has that annoys you a lot. Every time you see it, you say something snarky or give him a dirty look. It sounds ridiculous because you don’t think you’re that shallow but it could be unconscious. You know it’s not fair and you hate yourself for it, but you just can’t admit the reason.
It’s not that you don’t love him, because you do. You just wish he would change that one little thing. But even as you’re thinking this, you know it’s not likely to happen. It’s literally something in his face, body, or an uncontrollable tic and he doesn’t see it as a problem the way you do. You probably don’t want to bring his attention to it and make him insecure.
So for now, you’ll just have to try to keep your snarkiness in check and hope that someday you’ll learn to accept him as he is.
3- You find his personality annoying and unbearable:
Sometimes, you catch yourself being really mean to your boyfriend; like, way meaner than he deserves. It’s not like he has done anything wrong, but for some reason, you just can’t help yourself. If this is the case, a third possible explanation could be that it might have something to do with the fact that he has this personality that just rubs you the wrong way.
It’s not a big deal, but it just gets on your nerves when he did something like laugh at inappropriate times or make jokes to pull your leg, or even overthink the price of things before he buys anything. And whenever you see him doing these little things that literally define him and are in his nature, or if you even just thinking about it, then it makes you just want to yell at him. But you know that’s not fair, so you try to keep it under control.
Hopefully, over time, you’ll be able to stop being so mean to him for who he is. In fact, chances are he always had the same personality since you met him so maybe you were blinded by his good traits and the positives but now you’re starting to take him for granted and nitpicking. If he really pisses you off to extremes then you’re probably not that compatible after all.
4- You try to change him to fit your criteria but it doesn’t work:
You’re in a relationship and you love your partner, but you can’t help but feel like you’re constantly putting him down. One reason for this could be that you try to change him to fit your criteria, but it doesn’t work. You want him to dress a certain way, talk a certain way, and even act a certain way. And, you get frustrated when he doesn’t live up to your standards.
You find yourself getting angry with him for no reason. You know you shouldn’t be treating him this way, but you can’t help it. You just cannot stand the fact that he does everything wrong or that he has his own ways of doing things that you clearly disagree with. You have this solid unchangeable idea of how your dream partner should be and act and you just cannot succeed in forcing your boyfriend to fit in that mold.
If this is the case, it’s important to work on your own issues before you can have a healthy relationship. Otherwise, you’ll just keep on damaging the relationship with your insane behavior.
5- You feel that you sold yourself short and didn’t make him work hard for you:
You’re in a relationship with a great guy. You have been together for months and things are going well but maybe you think he got it all so easy and without putting in much work. The two of you have a great time together, but you can’t help but feel that you have sold yourself short since day 1.
Maybe you’re unconsciously mean to your boyfriend because you think that he’s undeserving of you and that he could’ve tried harder. You find yourself nitpicking and criticizing him more than you should. You wonder if it’s because you regret not having made him work more for you or chase you harder before you gave in. You feel that he takes you for granted or doesn’t do enough for you now because of how easy you made his courtship be.
If that’s truly the case, try to tell him that he’s a good guy and that you love him but that you feel he didn’t fight for you or doesn’t really appreciate your worth. Tell him that you can’t help but feel like you’ve settled for less, not because he’s not enough but because you regret having made it so easy for him to get with you.
Be honest and tell him that you start to question if this is really the relationship that you want to be in. Maybe this will be the wake-up call he needs or maybe you will realize that you want someone that values you from the start. In the meantime, you can check this article on why you have to walk away if someone doesn’t value you and make an informed decision.
6- You feel that he doesn’t put his all into the relationship:
You love your boyfriend, but sometimes you can’t help but feel like you’re being mean to him. This could be because you think he’s not fully invested in your relationship.
You never do it on purpose, but you find yourself getting irritated over little things; like when he doesn’t text you back right away or forgets to do the dishes. You know that he’s a good guy, and you don’t want to be cold or distant with him. But at the same time, you feel like he doesn’t do enough to make to keep you happy on a daily basis. You want him to show you how much he cares, but it feels like he’s always doing the bare minimum.
As a result, you find yourself lashing out at him, even though you don’t really mean it. You wish you could just relax and enjoy your relationship, but it’s hard to let go of your frustration. Maybe one day you’ll figure out how to balance your feelings, but for now, you’re just trying to take things one day at a time.
In the end, you can also think about checking this article out on reasons why your partner doesn’t do anything to make you feel special. And, maybe you’ll get more answers there if that’s the issue.