There’s no denying that breakups are tough. After spending so much time with someone, it can be hard to adjust to being on your own again. But sometimes, the hardest part isn’t letting go of the person you were with, it’s coming to terms with the fact that they were toxic to you.
If you’re wondering why you might still be thinking about your ex, even though the relationship was harmful, here are a few possibilities.
5 Reasons why you miss your toxic ex:
1- You have a selective memory and only recall the good things:
First of all, it’s normal to miss the good parts of a relationship, even if there were more bad times than good. Maybe, it’s been a while since you’ve seen your ex, but you still can’t get them out of your head. And, you probably miss the good times you had together, so you find yourself wondering what could have been.
But before you start getting too sentimental, it’s important to remember that you’re only remembering the good parts. You’re forgetting all the fights you had, all the times they let you down, and all the ways they made you feel bad about yourself.
In short, you’re forgetting why the relationship was toxic in the first place. So before you start missing your ex, take a step back and remember why it’s better they’re out of your life.
2- You’re in denial:
Secondly, it can be tough to accept that someone you care about hurt you. At the time, you were convinced that you had made the right decision when you chose your ex as a partner. But now, months or even years later, you find yourself wondering what you saw in them.
It’s possible that you’re simply in denial about the toxicity of the relationship. After all, it’s easy to remember the good times and overlook the bad. Alternatively, you may miss the companionship that your ex provided. When you were together, you always had somebody to lean on, and now you feel alone. So you may be in denial about the breakup or that it even happened.
Or perhaps you’re still struggling with unresolved feelings of anger or betrayal and don’t want to admit that you messed up by staying in the relationship for so long, in the first place. Whatever the reason, it’s important to remember that you are better off without your toxic ex. Looking back will only prevent you from moving forward.
So consider that all these reasons may simply be pushing you to be in denial about what was so bad about your ex; because you don’t want to admit that you made a poor decision or poor judgment by being with them.
3- You worry you won’t find anyone better:
Another possibility is that you’re worried you won’t find anyone better. Considering the fact that your ex was toxic and horrible, we can easily conclude that they must’ve manipulated you into thinking you deserve less or must’ve tried to lower your self-esteem and self-confidence.
So as a result, you may feel that you won’t be able to find anyone better than your ex, despite the fact that they’re literally the absolute worst already. Whatever the reason, it’s important to remember that you deserve better than someone who mistreated you. So don’t be afraid to let go and move on.
Maybe you now think that they were the best you’re going to get because they brainwashed you indirectly into thinking that. And, so you think that everyone else will just be a disappointment in comparison. But the truth is, there is plenty of fish in the sea. You’re going to find someone who makes you feel just more special than your toxic ex ever did, and without all the drama and toxicity.
So don’t settle for less than you deserve; go find someone who will treat you right.
4- You blame yourself for your ex’s abuse:
Another possible explanation as to why you miss your ex could be because you blame yourself for their abuse. Perhaps, you think that if you had just been a better partner, they wouldn’t have needed to lash out at you. You think that if you had just been perfect, they would have loved you the way you loved them.
You forget that no one is perfect and that no one deserves to be abused, no matter what. You forget that your ex was the one who chose to hurt you and that you did nothing wrong or that what you did was maybe negligible and minor.
Maybe you forget all of this because it’s easier to blame yourself than it is to face the truth: your ex was a toxic person, and you made a poor choice by getting with them and staying for as long as you did. And now, you’re better off without them.
5- You miss the rush of adrenaline that came with it all:
In the end, another strong possibility is that you miss the rush of adrenaline that came with it all. Maybe the constant rollercoaster of emotions was addicting. You were never sure where you stood, which kept you on your toes. This can be a good feeling in some twisted type of way and a relationship that never got boring.
You always had to be on guard, walking on eggshells, never knowing when the next explosion would happen. Even though it sounds horrible, at the moment it kept you excited. And in a way, you kind of miss that feeling. In other terms, despite all the bad aspects of the relationship, there’s one thing that cannot be denied and it’s that it was intense and exhilarating.
You never knew what was going to happen next, and you always had to be surprised because it was all unpredictable. There was a sense of excitement that came with it all; even though you know it wasn’t healthy, and now maybe you can’t help but miss it just a little bit.
If you just came out of a toxic relationship then we recommend you read this article and work on healing and finding peace again.