If there’s something about a possessive guy that just makes your heart beat a little faster, then you know it’s unhealthy, toxic, and will be the death of you.
Maybe it’s the way possessive guys show more intense love and feelings in the way they try to overprotect you, or maybe it’s the way they are always ready to fight for you. Either way, you can’t help but be drawn to their commanding presence.
If this sounds like you, then you probably also know that it’s not a good idea to get involved with someone like this. You know that it will only lead to heartache and pain. But even knowing all of that, you can’t help but be drawn to them anyway. So why is that? What are the reasons behind it and what is the psychology behind liking possessive guys?
Well read on, and you will see what we assume the main factors are. After you find the culprit and the reason for you to be drawn to something so dangerous, you might stand a chance of working on it and helping yourself get out of the vicious cycle of always ending up with crazy possessive, and toxic partners.
“Why do I like possessive guys”, you ask?
1- The thrill of knowing that someone cares so much:
There’s just something about a guy who is possessive that can be irresistible, even though we know it’s not healthy. Maybe it’s the feeling of being wanted and needed that is so appealing. In the end, most of us are looking for a compatible life partner and someone who will care so much, have our back every day, and love us intensely forever.
In our quest for love, we try to look for a specific type of person with certain criteria maybe intellectual or physical. But most importantly, we all undeniably look for someone who is at least emotional, loving, passionate, and intense in their love for us to some extent. Someone who we think will make us feel fulfilled, loved, appreciated, and valued.
The problem with this is that sometimes, we end up finding someone who’s a little too extreme, aggressive in the way they show love, and even toxic and we mistake all these traits for proof of how much they care about us specifically. The more they display crazy irrational possessive behavior the more our brain translates it as evidence of how much they care about us. So, everything gets clouded in our minds and suddenly what’s supposed to only look like a toxic type of behavior starts looking like a discreet badge we proudly wear on our chest and that we think proves how much our partner would do for us.
2- We think it’s personal and unique to us:
Sometimes when we meet someone who’s overly possessive and aggressive in the way that they display their love for us, we tend to feel flattered at first. We start thinking that this behavior is unique to us and that we’re the only person ever that had such an effect on them.
However, more often than not, you will see that someone who is so possessive and emotionally unbalanced by nature, will probably have done the same at least with one of their exes. They might even have earned themselves a restraining order that they won’t ever mention to you. What we’re trying to say is that an extreme possessive nature is not proof or evidence that they care about you specifically or that there’s something exceptional about you.
Unfortunately, it is more often than not just proof of a flaw in their character. And, they might have displayed that behavior many times in the past with their previous partners. The only difference now is that the previous partners probably had a breaking point where they decided not to tolerate or take any of it anymore, and you still didn’t.
So in the end, what keeps you hooked might be thinking that it’s personal because it can be flattering and thrilling to think that someone is willing to go to such extremes for us alone.
3- Their unmatched leadership attributes:
Someone who’s possessive might not hesitate for one second to take the initiative, voice their opinion, demand respect, and set boundaries in the relationship. While other people might be too shy, hesitant, or even submissive to some extent when it comes to who leads the way in a relationship, a possessive person often knows how to put their foot down in a relationship.
And, that can be attractive to many women, indeed. Many of us are just tired of taking so many important decisions and leading the way at work, at home, and everywhere in-between. From time to time, we like ourselves as partners that can just take the burden of decision-making and responsibility off our shoulders in a relationship.
Many women like a guy that knows what he wants, will state it clearly, demand it, command it and move on. Because it’s not very attractive or appealing to have to sit around and wait while a hesitant partner figures out what it is that they want. So this leads us to mistake possessiveness for relationship-leadership skills and to be drawn to it, sadly.
4- They are very confident and assertive:
There’s no denying that bad boys can be attractive. Everyone understands this to some extent but also knows that it can be dangerous and messy to get with one.
They’re often confident and assertive, and they don’t let anyone tell them what to do. Additionally, a possessive guy is usually extremely confident in himself and his own abilities. He’s comfortable with who he is and isn’t afraid to show it.
He thinks he’s a good catch and that’s what makes him lose his temper to some extent; when he considers that his partner could still do anything wrong. This doesn’t excuse his crazy toxic possessiveness though. But it is noteworthy that a possessive guy can often be the most confident and secure guy in the room.
Unfortunately, these qualities can also make a possessive guy very controlling, short-tempered, arrogant, and quick to judge. If you’re in a relationship with a possessive guy, you may find yourself being constantly monitored and interrogated about your whereabouts. You may also be subjected to jealous outbursts and constant pressure to spend all of your time either with him or by yourself.
If this sounds familiar, then you may be in a toxic relationship. While it’s natural to be drawn to confident guys, it’s important to remember that possessiveness is a red flag.
5- They make it sound like they know what they want:
There’s something very appealing about a guy who makes it sound like he knows exactly what he wants especially if that “what he wants” is You. He makes it seem like he cares so much and would fight and do anything for your love. However, keep your eyes open and see that the only person he’s fighting to make this point is You.
In the long run, there’s always something about a possessive guy that will start irritating you and just makes you want to roll your eyes. They’re the ones who always have to be right, who always have to have the last word, and who always have to be in control. And while there’s nothing wrong with being confident, these guys take it to the extreme. They make it sound like they know exactly what they want at first, and that they’re not afraid to go after it.
But unfortunately, over time their overbearing attitude often comes across as arrogant and pushy which makes affects the relationship negatively. And while they may think they’re being assertive, they’re actually just coming across as aggressive. So if you’re looking for a relationship that’s based on mutual respect and understanding, you’re better off avoiding the possessive types altogether.
While a possessive guy may seem like the perfect partner, there are actually many reasons why they can be unhealthy for you. For one thing, a possessive guy is often very controlling.
They may want to know where you are at all times and who you’re with. This can quickly lead to feelings of suffocation and resentment. Check our article out on “signs that he won’t let anyone else have you” to recognize a toxic possessive guy and see why it is not healthy to be with one.
Additionally, a possessive guy is often quite jealous. Even if you have nothing to hide, their constant suspicions can take a toll on your mental health. So if you’re attracted to possessive guys, it’s important to be aware of the potential pitfalls. Otherwise, you may find yourself in an unhappy and unhealthy relationship.