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5 reasons why you attract abusers

5 reasons why you attract abusers

Have you found yourself in a cycle where every time you meet someone new and they turn out to be a toxic person and an abuser? Well, there are a few things and personality traits that can indeed attract abusers easily.

Continue reading to find them out and you may be lucky enough to be capable of changing your luck in dating!

1. You may have low self-esteem:

Everyone suffers from low self-esteem from time to time. We aren’t perfect and we are aware of that. Consequently, having low self-esteem also means that your mind might be full of doubts about yourself. You may doubt your appearance, your skills, or even your identity and personality if you suffer from low self-esteem.

All that can be a magnet for abusers. One thing that abusers do to stop their victims from getting away from them is to find the things they are most insecure about and convince them that they were right in having those doubts. Then, the abuser will make you feel that they are the only person who could ever tolerate the flaws you have and, therefore, you should be grateful for having that person in your life.

If you met someone new, make sure you don’t reveal too much about your insecurities right away. They need to show what their response to your flaws is, so you can be certain that every person you get close to doesn’t become an abuser.

2. Maybe you blame yourself even when it’s not your fault

Confidence is something abusers steer away from. The more confident you are the less the chances of an abuser manipulating you are. By this, we mean that whenever you are successful or when your conscience is clear, own that. If you aren’t proud of your accomplishments and your moral values, don’t expect someone to come into your life and try to persuade you otherwise.

Abusers rarely admit guilt and when they do it’s essentially another manipulation tactic so you can feel compassion for them. So, if you show someone close to you that you are always eager to take the blame even when it wasn’t your fault, you are paving the way for them to take advantage of you.

3. You isolated yourself:

One thing abusers do to guarantee that you will never leave them no matter how badly they treat you is that you don’t have anyone else to turn to. If, before your relationship, you had many good close friends, close family members, and a good relationship with your colleagues from work, they will have the mission to distance you from all of them. Little by little, argument by argument, you will start creating a distance from everyone who was part of your social circle.

On the other hand, if you were already isolated, to begin with, abusers will immediately see this as an advantage. They know that they will have the green light to do everything they want with you because you don’t have anyone to ask for help.

Besides that, you also don’t have anyone to ask for an opinion about your relationship. So, if you start thinking that you are in a toxic relationship and you have no one else to help you confirm your suspicions your abuser will easily manipulate you into thinking that everything is in your head and there’s nothing wrong with your relationship.

4. You force yourself to be tolerant of unforgivebale things:

Being able to forgive is a great quality to have in you, there’s no doubt about that. However, if you haven’t learned the difference between forgiving and forgetting then it’s a problem.

You should know that you don’t always need to forgive, even if you forget something traumatic willingly to some extent for your own sanity and peace of mind, the person who ahrmed you in question should not be able to become your best buddy the next day. If you forgive easily, allow everything and have no standards then that’s something that will attract abusers.

At the beginning of your relationship, your abuser will be on their best behavior because they don’t know how much of their toxic traits you will tolerate. They start testing the waters and if you never respond to them, their behavior will only get worse.

As soon as your partner does or says something that you didn’t like you need to make a stand. That doesn’t mean that the only way to make them stop is to lash out and be violent but you can tell them you won’t tolerate certain things by being assertive and letting them know that there won’t be the next time.

5. You’re excessively submissive:

Don’t get it wrong. There’s nothing wrong with having a personality that is more submissive than others, but unfortunately, that’s the kind of personality that attracts abusers the most. Abusers need to be in control at all times and be able to manipulate every situation in their favor, and that won’t be easy if they are with someone who isn’t naturally submissive. They will more easily get their way with a naturally more submissive partner.

It should be known that people who aren’t submissive can suffer from abuse as well since abusers will try to do everything to make them more submissive over time. You should also know that, just because you tend to have a submissive personality it doesn’t mean that you deserve to be abused. You can still stand up for yourself and you definitely should.

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