There are a few reasons why guys might play hard to get. Maybe they’re trying to create a bit of mystery or suspense, or perhaps they’re just testing your level of interest.
Whatever the reason, it can be frustrating to deal with someone who seems hot and cold. If you’re interested in someone who is playing hard to get, there are a few things you can do to try and break through their barriers. And we will tell you all about that by the end of this article.
But before that let’s dive into the most common reasons why they play hard-to-get, to begin with; and let’s go into details about it all:
Why do guys play hard to get?
1- He played desperate before and it didn’t work:
Guys who play hard to get might have had some bad experiences in the past. They might have been really desperate and put all their cards on the table, only to get burned in the end.
In fact, as a girl or woman yourself, you’ll probably admit how unattractive a guy seems when he becomes so clingy at first sight. It might make you think that he drools in the same way at the sight of every other girl that didn’t forget to brush her hair and put on lipstick that day. This makes you feel not so special to him and it makes him look not so reliable and trustworthy.
So now after having tried the opposite approach and failed miserably, guys might be getting a little more cautious. They don’t want to show how they feel too early on, because they don’t want to get hurt in that way again.
By playing hard to get, sometimes it works out more for guys to get the girl in the end. Obviously, it still may not work other times and in that case, they still would end up alone. So it’s kind of a gamble still.
2- He’s not sure if he wants to go all the way:
Sometimes guys play hard to get simply because they’re not sure if they like you enough and they’re trying to take their time to figure it out. Or, they might be playing games because they think it’ll make you want them more. It’s possible that a guy that is playing hard to get or that seems like he is; has seen you and didn’t think that you’re all that at first sight.
However, as he spoke to you and interacted with you he might have learned to see that there’s more to you and that you have amazing humor or maybe a sensual voice or even an interesting personality.
Whatever it is that caught his eye, he might be gauging how much work he thinks he should put into courting you and whether or not it’s even worth it.
3- He wants to be in control:
Many people fail to realize that guys that play hard to get might not be afraid of commitment and they actually might be interested in the person they are pursuing. However, they are probably playing hard to get as a way of testing someone’s interest.
If the person being pursued is truly interested, then they will likely be willing to put in the effort to win over the guy. Additionally, guys who do this might use it as a way of maintaining control in the relationship. By keeping the person they are interested in at a distance, they can avoid getting hurt if things don’t work out.
And, by measuring how much the other person should do or try before they give their full attention to them, they stay the dominant ones in the interaction.
4- He wants you to “play hard to get” yourself:
If you’re too eager or too willing yourself, then it beats the point in the point of dating and courtship in the first place. Maybe, the guy you got your hands on wants a challenge. If he can’t get you to make him chase after you, he will get bored quickly. In fact, he doesn’t even feel that the chase will be rewarding or worth it as you already gave in.
So, in this case, the only option he has to make things interesting a little; is to play hard to get himself. Obviously, this is not ideal as it makes you look even more desperate than you already do, but it can be necessary if your game is dead.
He just doesn’t want it to be easy. He wants the thrill of the chase and the feeling of victory when he finally catches you. But, you’re not fun enough or playful enough to have understood this; so he has to work with whatever he has to make things a little more lively.
If a guy knows that you’re not challenging him enough and that you will accept the bare minimum then he might get bored and think you’re too easy to get. He probably wants someone who will keep him on his toes and keep the chase or courtship and the relationship interesting.
So next time a guy plays hard to get, remember that he might be just trying to find a way to make the relationship more exciting.
How to act when a guy plays hard to get?
First, try being honest about your feelings. If you let them know that you’re interested, they’ll at least have a better idea of where they stand. You don’t have to be direct about it; dropping hints, using your body language, staring and smiling, or even consciously showing some unconscious love signals could all work.
Secondly, don’t be afraid to give him a little space. If he realizes that he might lose you altogether or make you lose interest with his mind games then he might tone it down a bit. If he looks indecisive rather than “hard to get” then you might need to give him some time to think things through, respect his need for space and back off for a while.
Finally, don’t give up too easily. If you think he’s worth pursuing, it’ll be worth the extra effort. You can engage in his dance of giving and take and play hard to get like him, but not without balancing it with showing interest from time to time too.
In the end, if none of this works and if you’re interested in a guy who seems to be playing hard to get, you could always try asking him what his intentions are, indirectly. Or you could ask him directly too. Chances are he’ll appreciate your directness and you’ll be able to figure out where you stand.