In our daily lives, we often justify ourselves to explain what we do or what we decide not to do. But, what if we learned to stop justifying ourselves, all the time? What if we decide that we don’t need others’ approval, validation, or even forgiveness? Would that free us and liberate us or would it just make us a recluse?
Sometimes, we feel too shy to embrace what we want and be who we want ourselves to be, unapologetically. That’s a common issue and many people suffer from it, as they fear not being able to conform to society’s expectations of them.
However, today we’re not talking about that; but about how we should stop justifying our genuine mistakes. The faults, mistakes, and faux-pas we make when we don’t mean to and that we run to justify sometimes to others. It’s never a good feeling when we make a genuine mistake, and then find ourselves justifying ourselves a million times.
How to stop justifying yourself & reasons to embrace your mistakes:
When someone loves us, cares for us, and respects us; they will be willing to understand and sympathize with us. All the explanations and excuses we give are not always necessary or needed.
Clarifying our intentions once, if necessary; is more than enough. People that don’t like us will probably be waiting for any excuse or fault we make to blame and accuse us, anyway. On the other hand, the ones that care would always find excuses and reasons to justify any mistake or out-of-character negative behavior or act we do.
Normally, we use justifications or excuses when we want to make ourselves look good. However, without realizing it, we may show a lack of confidence by seeking the approval of others. At this point, the doubt, the uncertainty about what they think, our vulnerability, and the need for validation; make us forget that we have the right to make mistakes to learn in life.
And, sometimes; when we look back to our past we realize how hard we tried or cared to prove ourselves to the wrong person. Or, to someone that was looking for our smallest misconduct anyway, and we feel it wasn’t worth it or that our pride should’ve mattered more.
To stop justifying ourselves for mistakes we genuinely made it is important, first of all, to make the decision within ourselves to stop caring so much about what others think. Then internalize that it’s okay to make a mistake and that it is a part of the learning process and growth.
We must know how to assume our decisions and learn from the mistakes we make, not keep repeating them. However, we must feel authentic by being ourselves in spite of others and allowing ourselves to not be so perfect all the time and be at peace with our inner selves. By feeling free to be who we are and by acknowledging our human side; we allow ourselves to breathe, grow, and fault without remorse, guilt, or negative destructive emotions.
How to explain yourself without over-justifying?
Before taking a decision that really matters or that’s life-changing, it is necessary and appropriate to remind ourselves of the precise reasons for it. In this case, we eliminate any grave mistake we could make and we act consciously in a way that will fully only benefit our needs, wants, and true goals. There are mistakes that are unforgivable though and this article is not about adding insult to injury by making a grave mistake and then acting entitled and unapologetic.
Instead, it is about getting over forgivable mistakes that others want to pick on us for and that should not matter much. If someone tries to make you feel unworthy or unintelligent for making a genuine mistake that didn’t have many consequences anyway, then you shouldn’t let them. The way you can explain your mistakes, without stepping on your pride, lowering yourself too unnecessarily or removing the boundaries of respect in the relationship is by:
- being clear and concise about what you did wrong,
- being straight to the point with no detours in the explanation,
- Explaining that you’re sorry and that you learned something,
- and talking with confidence, strength, clarity, and certainty.
It is important not to hesitate and create uncertain excuses for what we did; when we talk to others, justify a mistake or seek forgiveness.
Five things to conserve our pride when apologizing:
Does everyone love everything we do in our day, or approve of every life decision we ever took? Probably not. But living is about developing and achieving our goals and objectives and not constantly justifying ourselves to others.
Other people will try to make you see that you have to explain your behaviors and choices, but you have to live for yourself first and not please others. There is a big difference between walking with someone hand-in-hand or being led by them. To stop over-justifying ourselves for no reason, we must no longer hesitate to :
-Put ourselves first:
This is not always a selfish act, because to be selfish would be to put ourselves first and alone; without taking into account the people around us.
Often, we don’t give much importance to our list of priorities; because we are too busy taking care of the priorities of others. And what we should remember is that we have to invest as much in ourselves or even more than we do for others and even when they’re our loved ones. Let’s try to make our day and our needs a priority.
-Express your emotions:
There is no logical reason to feel shame or guilt, about what we are feeling at a given moment or in a given situation. Feeling and expressing our emotions is a sign of humanity and a way of communicating without fearing what others think of us.
It is a way to show our human nature. People who judge us or label us as sensitive, embarrassing, emotional, or unpleasant are the ones who should feel ashamed and apologize, instead. Our emotions are always valid at all points of life.
-Embrace your weird side:
It’s not uncommon to be weird or have a little phase of being a bit not feeling your best or acting in whatever way you please, without consideration of what’s good, wrong, okay or a bit frowned upon.
Everyone is weird in some way. It’s part of our individual identities and humanity. People like strange things, they may look unfamiliar at first but it’s different, quirky, and far from what the mass dictates. It’s more helpful to celebrate diversity than to be embarrassed by it.
-Don’t take things personally:
Most of the time, people do things without us being the cause, for it.
So whether we decide to take everything personally is up to us. What if we stop thinking that the comment was meant for us or a gesture was meant to hurt us, for example?
Because if we take everything personally, we will always be an easy target and get offended at the smallest inconvenience.
-Decide to forgive:
Even when things are directed against us, forgiveness is always an option. Resentment is for people who believe they owe something, forgiveness is for those who decide to stand up and move on.
It also involves forgiving ourselves. No one approves of everything they have done in their life, we would not be ourselves if we had not made those mistakes.
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