If you find yourself in a relationship where your partner gets defensive whenever you express how you’re feeling, it can be tough to know what to do.
On the one hand, you don’t want to bottle up your emotions and pretend everything is fine when it’s not. But on the other hand, you don’t want to constantly fight about things either. The key is to try to communicate in a way that is both honest and tactful.
But before you can communicate efficiently you need to first understand his reasons for acting this way. so here are a few possible explanations as to why he gets defensive whenever you say how you feel.
Why does he get defensive when yous say how you feel?
1- He is in denial:
If he gets defensive when you try to talk to him about how you’re feeling, it’s likely because he’s in denial. He doesn’t want to face the fact that there’s a problem, so he’ll do anything he can to divert the conversation or make you feel like you’re overreacting.
This can be frustrating and even hurtful, but it’s important to remember that he’s likely just trying to protect himself from the pain of admitting that things aren’t perfect. If you can be patient and understanding, he may eventually come around and be willing to talk about what’s really going on.
2- The truth hurts the most:
Being in a relationship with someone who gets defensive whenever you try to express how you feel can be frustrating, to say the least. It’s like they’re not even interested in hearing what you have to say, and the whole thing just ends up in a big fight.
The thing is, the truth hurts the most, and sometimes, the only way to get through to someone is to tell them how you really feel. But if they’re not willing to listen, then maybe it’s time to move on. Life’s too short to waste your time on someone who doesn’t appreciate what you have to say.
So, if the person you’re dating gets defensive any time you express how you feel, it’s a major red flag. It could mean that they’re afraid of the truth and don’t want to face it, so they’d rather pretend that everything is perfect. Another possibility is that they’re unwilling to compromise.
Either way, it’s not a healthy sign for the relationship. The truth hurts, but it’s always better to deal with it head-on than to sweep it under the rug. If your partner can’t handle the truth, then they’re not mature enough. If you want to confirm that you can check this article out later on signs that your partner is emotionally immature.
3- He wishes he could make you happier:
If he gets defensive whenever you try to share your feelings with him, it’s probably because he’s worried that he’s not doing enough to make you and keep you happy. Even if the problem that occurred or whatever it is you’re complaining about has nothing to do with your partner, your partner might feel responsible for your sadness.
He might blame himself for not being able to keep you satisfied, and he might think that it means that he’s a bad partner, bad boyfriend, or bad husband; which is obviously not something he wants to be. However, it’s important to remember that everyone has different needs and that no one is perfect. Try to be patient with him and help him to understand your needs.
With a little bit of effort, he’ll hopefully be able to come to a stage where he can offer solace by listening to what you have to say or how you feel without feeling responsible for all and any of your negative feelings. This way he can hopefully meet your needs and make you happy.
However, this is obviously not healthy despite coming from a good place of wanting to keep you happy. He might not be able to make you happy all the time, but he should at least be willing to listen to what you have to say.
4- He feels he has failed you:
If your partner gets defensive when you tell them how you feel, it could also be because they feel like they have failed you in some way. They may feel like a disappointment, or like they’re not good enough for you. It’s important to remember that their reaction is about them, and not about you.
They are likely feeling insecure and unworthy of your love, and their defense is a way of trying to protect themselves from further hurt. If you can be compassionate and understanding, it will go a long way towards helping them feel safe and loved.
So if your partner gets defensive when you try to talk about your feelings, it may be because he feels he has failed you in some way. He may feel like he is good-for-nothing or a waste of space, and he is worried that you will leave him if he doesn’t do better.
This can lead to a lot of arguments and resentment, so it’s important to try to understand why he is feeling this way. If you can approach the situation with empathy and patience, you may be able to help him see that he is not a failure and that you still love him despite having big issues or problems that he cannot help you fix.
5- He takes how you feel like a personal attack:
Maybe the reason why your partner gets so defensive whenever you start talking about how you feel or how sad something is making you, is because he sees it as a personal attack. Maybe he thinks that by saying how you feel, you’re blaming him for not having prevented or spared you that pain or problem in some way. So he thinks you’re attacking him or finding flaws in his character.
One way that you can remedy this is instead of accusatory statements like “you never listen to me,” try saying something like “I feel like I’m not being heard.” And instead of getting defensive too, you should try to empathize with how your partner is feeling and you should understand why he feels scrutinized or even insulted.
Defensive behavior is usually a way to protect ourselves from feeling hurt.
When we get defensive, we are putting up a wall to keep from being vulnerable. In some cases, this can be helpful. However, when it comes to relationships, defensive behavior can be a big problem.