You might be wondering why it is that you always seem to attract toxic, disrespectful people into your life. You might think that you are just unlucky or that there is something wrong with you. But the truth is that there may be negative habits, actions, or a mindset that you have gradually developed and that are contributing to keeping you stuck in such a vicious cycle.
Whatever it is, you should try to find the source and real cause for such a thing and replace it with a healthier alternative. Keep reading to learn more about the reasons why you attract toxicity.
5 possible answers to “why do I attract toxic people?”:
1. You don’t believe you deserve better:
You have probably heard that people only attract what they think they deserve. One of the contexts in which you might have heard something similar is when people are seeking advice to find someone to be in a relationship with. Usually, people say that if you don’t love yourself, you won’t find someone who can love you. And while that’s not entirely true, there’s some truth in it.
It’s hard to learn how to love ourselves, but if you are used to seeing yourself in a worse light than you deserve, it’s more likely that you will attract people who don’t deserve you. If you believe that you are only good enough for people who don’t have standards and don’t have their life together, then your chances of attracting this type of people to your life increase greatly.
The same goes for toxic people. If you think meeting someone that is successful, polite, respectful and that will cherish you forever is too much to ask for; then you will probably never get to meet someone like that. And, even if you do you will be in disbelief and you may sabotage it all.
2. You perceive toxic traits as flaws you can fix:
When people find themselves stuck in a toxic relationship, whether it’s a romantic relationship or not, people say that they didn’t see the red flags at first. However, that’s not always true. For some toxic relationships, the victim was able to see that that person could be toxic to them, but thought they had everything under control.
If you noticed that some people have a bigger potential to be toxic than others, and yet you took a risk by getting involved with them then you’re the one to blame. It’s not your job to give others second chances or go around trying to fix every single person that needs fixing. You probably think that you are going to be the one who is capable to help them out and become their hero but you forget about the possibility of having them drag you down with them instead.
If this is you, you need to realize that people don’t change unless they want to and that applies to toxic people. It’s not your life goal and purpose to fix everyone who enters your life. A time may come when you need to prioritize your happiness over trying to make someone better even if they don’t want to change.
3. You believe they are better people than they actually are:
We all possess a certain degree of naive wishful thinking when we are confronted with a cruel reality. We enter in denial and try to picture things better than they are. This might be your case regarding toxic people. Perhaps, in your first encounters with someone toxic, you saw some hints that made you take a step back but then tried to rationalize them in your head.
If you let this progress into something more serious you will start making excuses for every person that crosses you and you will end up getting nothing but disrespect from others. You can’t deny that you saw toxic traits in that person, but maybe you try to compensate them with small good deeds that person did and convince yourself that they’re good enough.
If you find yourself in this loop, you need to start thinking differently. You will have to face the fact that, no matter how many small good things a specific person has going on for them if they still possess strong toxic traits; they’re not worth it.
4. You don’t trust your own judgment:
One reason why you attract a lot of toxic people in your life could be that you aren’t very self-confident. Yes, you are still able to distinguish toxic behaviors from healthy ones, but you doubt every thought you have.
Maybe you do it because you are afraid to judge a person too soon and too harshly. You keep thinking that if the roles were reversed you would have liked them to give you a chance to show that you are a good person. However, this kind of thinking can be a set-up for you because that person is not you and perhaps if you made the same mistake they made you would be apologetic and feel guilty. But, maybe they’re not. Maybe that’s who they truly are and all they do is pretend to be nicer until they can form a closer bond or friendship with you.
The problem here is that you think that everyone has the same morals and standards as you. Unfortunately, there are people in this world that take advantage of others and are okay with it. So, since toxic people aren’t going to change any time soon, if you have a gut feeling that tells you that there is something wrong with someone, believe it.
5. You like to avoid conflicts rather than confront and tackle the problem:
Toxic people don’t try to manipulate and take advantage of everyone, not because they don’t want to, but because they know some people are easier targets. People who aren’t very confident in themselves or who have an overall peaceful nature are more likely to be victims of toxic people. One big thing that toxic people seek in their victims is being non-confrontational.
If you aren’t a confrontational person you are likely to attract toxic people. They know that even if they do something that upsets you, it will be very hard for you to stand your ground and tell them that you won’t be complacent with that attitude.
While it’s alright to want things to remain peaceful, if you need to defend yourself you shouldn’t try to stay clear out of conflict. Conflict can have its purposes and one of them is so you can avoid suffering any kind of abuse. So think about adopting a more assertive and confident body language that can represent you as someone strong, confident, and not to be messed with.