When you’ve had enough and you’re done trying, sometimes it’s hard to know what to say or how to say it. You might be worried about hurting the other person’s feelings or causing a fight.
Ending a relationship is never easy, but with a little preparation, it doesn’t have to be as hard as you might think. So, here are some things you can do to make it easier.
How to tell someone you’re done trying?
1- Assess whether you run a risk to see them again and act accordingly:
First, consider your relationship with the person. If you’re close friends or family, you might want to be gentle about this. But if you’re not as close, you don’t work or live together and you doubt you might meet again then you can be as quick and blunt as you want with it.
Oftentimes when we’ve had enough, we go ahead and have a big fight with the person that is getting on our nerves. It sounds so brutal and things can get ugly quickly, but it is what ends up happening inevitably when we stay in touch or close contact with someone that we just find so irritable.
If you want to convey a message that you’re done trying but don’t want to sound so harsh or cause a big fuss, try saying something like, “I don’t think we’re compatible” or “I think it’s time we move on.” These statements imply that you’re not ready to work on the relationship more, but are more gentle than just pointing out their million flaws and breaking their heart to pieces.
Sometimes it’s better to imply what you mean rather than just coming out and saying it directly, especially if there’s a strong chance you’ll be seeing or coming across that person again. In the end, they can argue back and feel hurt still, but you will have a chance of staying friendly and amicable rather than lashing out at one another and saddening yourselves over something inevitable.
2- Plan how you’re going to let them know:
If you’ve reached the point where you’re really done trying, then you will have to decide how to let the other person down easily. You need to decide how you want to say that you’re not interested in spending as much time together anymore or even being in each other’s lives. You don’t have to be rude about it, as explained earlier.
That’s why you can choose the way that you want to do it too and how direct you want to be. Think about what you want to say. Be honest and direct, but try not to be too harsh. Sometimes no matter how you start this difficult conversation, if you do it in person, then it could still cause a big scene. So you can choose to tell them in writing, instead.
If you think the other person might have a big reaction when told in person or you think things might get a little too tense; then you might want to spare yourself some drama and write a letter or send a text message or even an email.
You can write an extended paragraph about how busy you are as an excuse to end things. You can blame it all on how unavailable you are right now and during this phase in your life to be developing any new friendships or dating anyone at all. This way, you can also take the time to choose your words carefully and avoid any potential arguments.
Whichever route you decide to go, just make sure that you’re clear and concise in your message. Otherwise, the other person might not understand that you’re done with them and continue to hope for a reconciliation.
3- Be prepared for any outcome:
Lastly, be prepared for a reaction. The other person might be upset, but try to stay calm and remember that you’re entitled to choose the relationships you want to keep and develop and the ones you want to end and move on.
So no matter what you do, before you make a final decision or proceed with your plans, be prepared for any outcome or reaction. The person you’re telling this to may not take it well, and they may try to convince you to change your mind. Be firm in your resolve and be ready to defend your decision. Also, be sure that this is truly what you want. Once you’ve said your piece, there’s no going back. So be sure that you’re absolutely certain that this is what you want before you go through with it.
In addition, be prepared for the consequences. There may be some fallout from your decision which is the best case and what you wanted, but there might also be hard feelings and unfinished business so be ready to deal with the aftermath. But if you’re confident in your decision and prepared for whatever comes next, then telling someone that you’re done trying can be an empowering experience.
4- Take the necessary precautions:
After telling someone you are done trying, it is important to take yourself away from them physically and to do what it takes to limit your encounters in order to protect yourself.
This person may not be ready to let go and may try to stalk you, pester you or have hopes of convincing you to change your mind. Be firm in your decision and do not allow yourself to be drawn back in, it could also be a trap to get close to you and take revenge.
Cut off communication if necessary and surround yourself with people who you trust, ones who support all your decisions and love you. It is also important to take care of yourself emotionally and mentally. This situation can be difficult and it is important to give yourself time to heal. Find activities that make you happy and journal or talk to a therapist if you are struggling.
Remember that you are worth taking care of and that you deserve peace in your life. In the end, you can check our article here on how to cut off toxic people from your life, if you think it can help too.