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4 deep questions to ask your boyfriend

4 deep questions to ask your boyfriend

If you’re in that phase of dating where you spend hours if not days on the phone getting to know your partner, giggling and whispering little nothings to one another then we’ve got you covered! This phase can be quite fun and amazing, it is a period of the relationship where you two are fascinated with one another and want to be on the phone with one another, for hours on end.

But, what if you run out of topics to talk about? Do you want to get to know your girlfriend or boyfriend more and want to think of questions to ask them but nothing comes to your mind? If that’s the case, don’t panic at all. Here are 4 simple but deep questions that will each open a million other topics naturally. Each question is for a different day or different week.

That’s because you can open a multitude of other topics, conversations, and deep discussions that will all result in you asking one of the questions below. You will find with each question a purpose and a list of facts that it will tell you about your partner’s character, depending on their answer. So get ready to ask away, let your partner talk, and let the discussion naturally flow!

Deep philosophical questions to ask your boyfriend, girlfriend, or date:

1- What is the meaning of a good life to you?

In other words, you are asking what it takes for him to be happy, grateful, satisfied, and content with what he has. For example, for some people having a comfortable enough place to stay, rent-free with their little family for life, plus a good non-demanding job, a beautiful compatible wife, and two healthy beautiful children is the ultimate dream and life goal.

Some will say traveling around the world single and doing little jobs here and there in different countries in different cities is their dream life and the way for them to be permanently happy if marriage or family life is not something they’re interested in.

Others, depending on their personality type, might want more or less to be content and feel happy and accomplished. For instance, some would add to the equation the ability to be able to travel at least twice a year with their wife and kids.

Another category will say that they cannot rest until they reach financial freedom and do not have to physically go to work. The key thing here is not to exercise wishful thinking and list a number of things that you think you “need” to feel secure, without having a plan on how to get them.

The answer should be given while keeping your own capacity, skills, and qualifications in mind. For example, unless you have a clear plan on how you will work towards financial freedom you cannot say that your idea of a good life is to have full financial freedom, three sports cars parked in the garage, and a luxury mansion you’re living at.

The purpose of the question: This question is key! It will enable you to find out if your wants, dreams, and goals align with those of your boyfriend.

It will also tell you a lot about how ambitious he is; if he’s willing to work hard, think out of the box and create value to change his life. Or, if he’s content with very little, which is okay too and a life philosophy that many prefer and that can be calm, pleasant, and sweet. But, is what you envision for yourself too?

2- Is it more important to be respected or liked?

It is important to be respected by your peers and your boss. It can also help you get ahead in life. However, it is also important to be liked by others. Liking someone is a sign of respect and reciprocity that they have for the person.

Being liked can also provide you with a sense of belonging, which can, in turn, help you become more successful in life. But, which one matters more? If you were a director or in a position of power, would you rather be respected and feared or loved and cherished?

Remember that with love people tend to naturally cross boundaries and feel entitled to give you unsolicited advice and even get personally offended if you disappoint them in any way. However, when one is respected one’s decisions will only ever be regarded as valid and even if there are wrong they will be regarded as justifiable. People that respect or fear you will not dare reprimand you or try to tell you what they think you should do nor get offended if you don’t.

However, only the people that truly loved you will grieve you if something happened to you. In fact, the ones that respected you or thought you were a bit on the strict end might even feel a sense of relief if something was to happen to you. So which one does your partner prefer to be, respected or loved?

Obviously, this is all in the context that they have unlimited power in a professional context or if they are ruling over a group of people, and it does not apply to romantic relationships. Romantic relationships when healthy are naturally expected to have both respect and love!

Purpose of this question: This question will help you establish whether your partner is an emotional or rational person. Obviously, your partner can be both but which trait is stronger when it comes to their character.

If your partner chooses to be loved rather than respected, then it says a lot about how emotional, affectionate, and warn they can be. However, if your partner chooses to be respected rather than loved, it will show you that they can be rational, pragmatic, and strategic. This will help you predict how they will act and what they will prioritize in different scenarios of life and different situations.

3- What is the most important purpose in life?

Everyone has a different answer to the question of what is the most important purpose in life. Some people believe that materialistic things such as money and fame are important to gather, accumulate and obtain for their next generations’ safety and security. , Others believe that it’s all about sharing the present moment with family and having good relationships.

The most important purpose in life could also be to find your passion and then do what you love. For others, it could be to help people and make a difference, as the saying goes “Be the change you want to see in the world”. A life purpose can differ from one person to another accordingly to their priorities, goals, beliefs, and values.

Purpose of this question: To ask someone this question and discuss their answer with them deeper, would help to get to know them more. You will understand what their first priority in life is and the reason for everything they do.

4- Is forgiveness always possible or is revenge sometimes necessary?

Anyone would answer: “it depends” to a question like this. However, some people are more “accepting” of reality even when it’s a gruesome horrible scenario that has been caused by someone else. Others would dedicate their life to correcting whatever injustice touches them, their family, or loved ones.

Revenge is often considered a natural human instinct. It’s an impulse that is hard to resist, and it can be difficult to find forgiveness for someone who has wronged you. In the end, the more someone is rational, just, fair, and knows for a fact that they’d never hurt others for no reason, the more they will find it very hard to accept when someone else does an uncalled for injustice on their part.

In the end, some will say that the concept of forgiveness is not easy. But it is possible for them to forgive if they feel that their grudge holder is sincere in their apology. Others will believe that revenge is sometimes necessary, in order to achieve justice or closure from a wrong that has been committed.

Purpose of the question: You get to know how likely your partner is to fault and brush it off, thinking that every sin under the sun is a small forgivable fault. If your partner has strong beliefs that every major mistake deserves a punishment then they are probably going to be less likely to fault or do things that they find hard to forgive others for.

At the same time, you could think that a person like that is not for you and that they are just a grudge holder. So ask the question, discuss it with your partner and see what you think!


Asking your partner or date these questions will not only open a sea of other topics to discuss but it only gets you familiarised with their thinking, priorities, and values. Keep in mind that unless you spend hours talking and exploring each other’s minds, you may never get to know one another that well.

For more context and details, check out our article on how long it takes to really get to know somebody.

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