It doesn’t matter if you’ve been together for a few months or a few years, some tough conversations are impossible to avoid. Not that you should try to avoid them in the first place because these conversations help the relationship move forward and bring you closer together.
We all have topics that make us uncomfortable and some people don’t know how to have uncomfortable conversations. However, it’s important to fight the urge to avoid these types of conversations because you must talk about things that matter and see where you stand as individuals. It may be a little difficult but it will bring more clarity, and reassurance and let you know what to expect.
Why it is necessary to have some tough conversations?
You and your partner should be open and honest with each other. Even so, having tough conversations is not easy, whether they’re related to sex, money, marriage, children, etc., but it’s worth the effort. The sooner you talk about difficult things, the better.
Otherwise, it will be very difficult to understand and know each other at a deeper level. Not to mention it will be nearly impossible to compromise, set boundaries, solve issues, and feel closer to each other. Having tough conversations is healthy, so there’s no reason to be afraid of them.
If you don’t know where to start, here are 3 tough conversations we believe every couple should have!
3 Tough Conversations Couples Should Have:
1. Defining monogamy:
We all know what monogamy is at this point. It consists of having a relationship with only one person and being fully committed and faithful. Monogamy is a mutual agreement, often unspoken, between couples and it’s the foundation of many of the boundaries we set in a relationship.
However, it’s a mistake to assume that everyone sees monogamy the same way you do. The things that fall outside the scope of monogamy vary from person to person. This is why defining the extent to which your relationship is monogamous or a little more open is very important early on. Don’t assume that your partner perceives monogamy the same way and ask them what it means to them.
More often than not, you’ll find that there are differences between your definition of what type of relationship you two have and theirs. For example, some people believe that watching explicitly sexual videos online is like cheating. On the other hand, others believe it’s perfectly fine.
Discussing what physical and emotional fidelity mean to both of you is not easy, especially not if there are big differences, but talking about it is the only way to find a middle ground.
2. Conflict resolution:
Conflict is a big part of relationships because disagreements are bound to arise. After all, you’re two different people building a life together, so you won’t always see eye to eye. However, that doesn’t mean conflict is a sign of trouble and it’s not negative in and of itself.
The way you handle conflict can be negative and destructive, though, which is why it’s important to talk about how you both approach it. When handled well, conflict can bring you closer together and strengthen your relationship. When handled badly, conflict can mean the end of the relationship.
You need to be able to talk to each other and be respectful. Being on opposing sides of an argument doesn’t mean you’re not on the same team, so it’s completely unacceptable to scream at, insult, gaslight, or manipulate each other. The point of arguing is not to hurt one another, but to find a solution or reach a compromise you’re both happy with.
To get there, you need to build tools together and agree on simple rules that will help you get through issues constructively and healthily. You can’t have a set of rules that you impose on every partner you have throughout your life, as every individual has their own struggles, challenges, and weaknesses.
So setting rules should depend on your personalities, the topics you keep fighting about, and the type of relationship you want to have. These rules could also be as simple as never going to bed angry, never bottling things up, being honest but respectful, avoiding approaching issues when you’re too heated, etc.
3. Understanding each other’s love languages:
As a couple, you should understand the way you both like to receive and give love. Everyone is different, so we all have different needs. Understanding each other’s love language is key because it allows you both to express your love respectfully, healthily, and comfortably. Understanding how you both approach intimacy allows you to create a deeper bond.
Now, this can be a tough conversation because it means you have to lay yourselves bare. Additionally, it can be difficult to find a way to compromise if your love languages are different. However, it’s not impossible and you will be able to find a nice balance.
So, ask your partner how they define intimacy, how they connect, how they like to express their love, and how they like to receive love. Also, be ready to explain the same things to your partner. This conversation, however awkward it may be, will help you avoid many issues down the line.
Tough conversations make for stronger, healthier, and happier relationships.
The more of these conversations you have, the easier it will become for you to set boundaries and have a healthier relationship. Soon enough, you will be able to discuss anything in the relationship no matter how challenging it may be.