Men are not always straightforward with their intentions, so it is important to know the signs a married man is using you.
A married man might not be interested in having a serious relationship, but he might be looking for someone to have a casual sexual relationship with. He might also want to have someone on the side who can provide emotional support and companionship, without any strings attached.
He could also want someone who will help him feel like he has some sort of control in his life, by doing things for him, that he can’t do in his main relationship or marriage.
How can a married man use another woman?
Because not all women are going to accept wasting their youth, time, energy, and beauty on a similar relationship. And in the end, see him go back to his wife, a married man may lie.
He may lie about his intentions and promise you the world only to deceive you in the end and go back to his “number one” woman, girlfriend, or wife.
Signs a married man is using you:
That’s why in this article we present 10 signs that a married man may be using you:
1. He asks for your opinion, but never really listens:
He may be using you as a sounding board or to boost his ego. So you will notice that he talks a lot, tries to impress you, and shows off. He may also be testing you to see how much he can get away with. He asks for your opinion but never really listens.
It’s hard to get your point across when he interrupts you and starts talking about what he wants or himself. No matter how much you try to explain yourself, it never seems to work out. You find yourself feeling frustrated, unheard, and unimportant.
Keep in mind, that not all married men that are using another woman will show such disinterest in her. Many can be very eloquent, pretend to care about your well-being, and have a magical way with words.
That’s because they have practiced with their main companion or partner, and now they know very well how to be more than a gentleman and they want to test their newfound skills on other women. In the end, all they truly care about will still be their little family, marriage, or main partner when it comes down to actions rather than empty words.
2. He wants to hang out but doesn’t seem interested in getting to know you better:
This is a classic case of a married man using you. He’s not really interested in you and he’s just looking for someone to talk to, who will listen to him complain about his wife or life. It’s either that or: He has been calling and texting constantly but never has time to hang out.
Again, this is all about him wanting attention from somebody who will give it to him, under his terms, and without expecting anything in return.
Some men have a hard time showing their feelings, so they might not be as open with you as they are with other people. However, if a married man is always asking you to hang out but never seems that into it when you’re together, then be careful. This might be because he’s not sure if he really wants to betray the trust of his family and main partner by giving you a real chance.
He may just be using you as a pass-time, but not wanting to know much about you or get too involved with you or in your life.
3. He has no real proof of wanting to leave his marriage:
You can tell he has no intention of ever leaving his wife or girlfriend for you, and he’s just using you as a distraction from his problems at home.
He may say he’s stuck, trapped, or invent a made-up situation that makes it sound like he doesn’t have much of a choice currently. But, that could all be lies to cover up the fact that he’s just not ready to leave his main relationship.
4. He’s not interested in spending time with your friends:
If he is not interested in spending time with your friends, this is a red flag. This behavior can be due to insecurity, fear of commitment, or a lack of interest in you and anything to do with you.
A man that doesn’t want to see your friends or wants to limit your contact with them, maybe trying to control and dominate your life. He might be using you because he doesn’t have any other options and he wants to get something out of the relationship.
In addition to that, he may want to isolate you from any friends or loved ones that will try to wake you up from his hypnosis and the trance he has put you in.
The truth is that he has a life outside of you, and that’s his main life but sadly: it doesn’t include you or your friends or anything about you. He doesn’t want to give up a big part of his life to you or to your people. That’s because you’re just a bad little secret, he has plans to have and use for now, but get rid of in the long term.
5. He’s not willing to compromise on anything:
If you feel like he’s not willing to compromise on anything, then it’s time to take a step back and think about what you want out of your relationship.
He may be using you in any way, but doesn’t really care about your needs. For instance: he may be using you for emotional support but doesn’t care about your needs. Or he may be using you as a shoulder to cry on but doesn’t care about your needs. Either way, the outcome is the same: he’s just using you and you’re not benefiting anything from this relationship.
In fact, in a normal context of life, it is hard to be in a relationship and not want to compromise on anything. You might think that you can do it, but eventually, the other person will get sick of it and leave you. However, somehow unfaithful married men always manage to lead other women for the longest time possible without giving in or compromising on anything. It is a special skill they have.
They always have excuses and justifications as to why things should be done according to their ways. Unfortunately, “the other woman” will just believe it all and follow…
6. He doesn’t want to introduce you to his family, his kids, or his friends:
There is no right or wrong way to date but there are some things you can do to make sure you’re being treated well by your partner. And one of these things is to make sure both of you are looking for the same or expecting the same things to come out of the relationship.
In the case of a married man, he may lie about his intentions and end-goals of your relationship and promise you commitment and even marriage “once he sorts himself out”. However, these can all be lies as long as he’s not letting you meet the important people in his life like his friends, family, and kids.
This is a common sign that a married man is not really interested in you and that he’s not betting on the fact that the relationship is going to last long. It may be hard to accept but it’s the truth. He probably wants to keep you hidden and doesn’t want to introduce you to anyone.
If a man introduces you to his family and friends then it may show that he is serious about you. Or, maybe he just doesn’t care and introduces everyone he meets to them anyway. So investigate and find out if you’re an exception and if he introduced you alone and the only one to have had that chance since his wife or main partner was introduced. Only then, you can assume he takes you seriously.
7. He doesn’t really care about having a future with you:
He seems disinterested when you try to talk about your future together but always wants to know what you plan on doing for the day.
This person is not looking to make a commitment, he just wants to have fun. He doesn’t want to talk about the future because he doesn’t want you to think he’s serious about you.
A man who is married to another woman and is in a relationship with you doesn’t want to talk about the future. He is not ready for commitment, he doesn’t want to take you seriously. He’s just enjoying the time with you, but he also knows that there is no future for him and you together.
He might be using you and will only talk about the present or past with you.
8. Everything about your relationship is done his way:
The man is trying to control you and everything you do. He wants to be the only one in charge of your life. This is a form of abuse and it needs to stop.
He will make all your decisions for you and he will not take any input from you. It is not easy to have a say or a voice in this situation. You want to believe that he loves you and only wants the best for you, but deep inside you know that he is only using you.
indeed, he is using you for his own benefit. He doesn’t care about your feelings and what you want. He is selfish and does whatever he wants to do. He has a wife and he still wants to have his cake and eat it too. He doesn’t want to be in a relationship with you, but he wants the benefits of being with two women.
So he will lie to you and to her, play games, and tell you what you want to hear but he will only ever get his way in the relationship. No decision is ever even open for discussion, because he doesn’t leave any room for the possibility of getting caught up in his lies.
He will do everything his way, without consulting you first. He won’t care about your feelings or what’s right for you. His only concern is what’s best for him, which can even be at the expense of your well-being.
9. He will make excuses when he decides he’s done with you:
First, he will make an excuse for why he can’t see you anymore. He may say that his wife found out about your relationship and to give it some time until they separate. But, the breaking news here is that they will not separate but probably reconcile instead. Only you would’ve lost your time and energy.
Or he may say that his wife has been diagnosed with a horrible illness and he wants to spend all of his time with her, during this difficult time in her life. In other words, he will invent an excuse as to why he has to go back to her in the end. It could even be related to the kids, their mental health, and their well-being.
Second, if they do continue to see you, they will try and keep their interactions as brief as possible. This is because they are done with you. Your old news. They’re probably looking for a new time-pass or prey.
10. He makes plans with you and then cancels at the last minute:
It’s very hard to be on the receiving end of a canceled date. And as much as it hurts, it’s important to understand that there are many reasons why a married man might cancel plans.
The most common reason for him canceling plans is because he got his hands busy with his main partner, unexpectedly. And, that’s regardless of what excuse he gave you.
It’s not always possible to predict what will happen at home, and sometimes emergencies happen that require immediate attention. This also goes to show you what and who his priorities in life are.
The bottom line:
The first option when finding out that you have been getting used by a married man is to confront him.
This means that you can try and talk to him about your concerns and see if he will change his behavior. This is the most difficult option because he may not be willing to change his behavior, or he may lie and lead you on more. It also means that you have to put up with his little games for the foreseeable future, which may not be what you want.
The second option is that you can end things with him now and find someone who will treat you better in the future.
This is by far the easiest option, but it also means that you may have to spend some time single. Check out our article on the importance of not dating anyone, just not being single. Or even better, check out this one about why you should never date a married man, to begin with.